If I have hands,
I can touch the broken.
With my arms,
I can hold you 'till your pain
is less a burden so hard to bear.
If I have feet,
I can find the people scattered.
With my legs,
I can help you walk through the dark places
where we both fear to venture alone.
If I have a face,
I can see the faded masses.
With my mouth,
I can help others see you too,
if only I can make them listen.
If I have a heart,
I can love the lonely and the loveless.
With the blood in my veins,
I can fight for you, the defenseless,
if only I can find the strength.
All around I hear the others,
those lost and bleeding in the dark.
Even as I stop to lift you to your feet
in the alley I hear the echo of another fall.
Rise to your feet. Be steady for their sakes
and search them out as I searched and found you.
I am but one with two hands and my feet,
but each could be an arm in the body of the whole
if only the human heart
were so great as the human need.
Yet in the end, I fear, such visions
will be naught but a dreamer’s fool faith;
that though in each together is light enough for all,
still some will forever be left in darkness.
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hello Stringbean,
This was a wonderful poem! I loved how you executed it. The word choices and slight repetition are brilliant.
The narrator doesn't seem to have a physical body at the beginning of the poem, but they are so selfless, and they want to help people. And in the second to last stanza, they're urging another person to help the fallen. In the last stanza, there is doubt and underlying sadness, especially in the last line. Any way you look, it is somewhat true.
Great job!
Thanks!
Hi Stringbean!
Your poem was well thought out and executed beautifully! You are a wonderful writer. I love the simplicity. I think as human beings we often underestimate ourselves, but we can do such great things, even if those things are as simple as loving, defending, growing, etc. It is very cool to see this idea written about. I can almost read this religiously too, regardless of whether or not that was your intent. It is great to write about the human mind and our needs, and to think about what comes before and after us, and morals. Great job, keep writing!
Thank you! c:
Hey, Stringbean! It's your old pal-- Vilnius, VP, Vil, whatever you call me-- here to review your work!
First off, I like your repetition of "If I had" (fill in the blank) and what you coud do with whatever fills that blank. I think it really builds up to prepare you for the final two stanzas.
Second off, (and no one else will get this as much as I do), I have to asked if this is based off of one of our characters or friends-- Sinestra, maybe, or Esmeralda, or Natalia? It just brings back a bunch of memories from 2.0 and the first half of DBtD.
Third off, (and this isn't a critique as much as it is a challenge) I want to see you do a rhyming poem! In fact, I'll make you a deal-- if I do one that doesn't rhyme, you have to do one that does! I'm evil! >:) XDD
Love ya, Beany!
-Vilnius
(I feel like if I call you VP on here, everyone's going to be confused XD)
Thanks for the review and feedback! c:
To answer your question, I didn't base this off anything except it's just a "theme" of sorts, something I've always thought about a lot. I guess that same theme comes out in Natalia in ways too, and yeah, I can definitely see it in 2.0 and the rest. I wrote this... geez, what was it? At least a year ago, so probably during 2.0 actually. Who knows, maybe they're connected subconsciously lol.
Ahhhh, I actually did do one that rhymes recently! But I'm still hiding it from everyone XD
You do one that doesn't rhyme and I'll do a rhyming one, challenge accepted >:D
Love you too!
Stringbean! I'm so glad to see a poem in the green room!
So let's check this poem out --
I really like the challenging moral of the poem that the speaker seems to long to serve, but then in that last stanza they doubt they can be effective in helping.
I think some of your phrasing became a bit strange and could use some revision.
First - I think it sounds very strange to begin each of those first three stanzas with "If I have [body part]" -> since it creates a strange logic image as reader where I'm imagining a handless, footless, heartless person doing all these things.
Also I don't know if I can picture what you're saying in a few of these stanzas. For instance, read this sentence -> "If I have hands I can touch people with my arms" <- do you see how that sounds a bit odd? Imagine someone touching someone with their arms?
Read these two sentences which are summaries of stanza 2 "If I had feet they could find people" - "If I have feet I can help people walk with my legs" -> this implies to me that the person is using their legs somehow to help people walk? I get the overall intent of those stanzas but the picture you're painting doesn't make sense with the phrasing you've used.
Rather than beginning each stanza with "if I had" -> maybe you could change to "With my hands/feet/heart, I long to ..." etc.
I think the 2nd to last stanza was my favorite- I liked the intense voice of the narrator as they're urging the person on. These two lines gave me some Pilgrim's Progress vibes -> "Rise to your feet. Be steady for their sakes
and search them out as I searched and found you." Really nice and shows conflict and character development even within the short space of this poem.
I found these lines a bit confusing when I tried to think of the "picture it painted"
For some reason that first line feels a bit awkwardly phrased, "I am but one with two.. and my feet" -> why is this being said? And then the next sentence feels like it's trying to say "We're all part of one body" but instead says, "we're all like an arm in a body" which feels a bit too random -> like saying, "Each of us could be an earlobe, each of our feet, each of our hands, our stomach is all part of an earlobe of a great big body" ... the mental image just doesn't quite work for me.
I would encourage you to do an exercise where you visualize what each line of your poem is saying, this is helpful even with metaphors to make sure they aren't internally contradicting each other or making strange images. You might try writing each phrase in a sentence too and see if you can decipher what it means, because it feels like a few of these got a bit muddled in meaning.
I liked the movement to imagery at the end; that last stanza is philosophical and interesting -> it's definitely a sad feeling to have the impression that no matter what you do you won't be able to get everyone out of the darkness. That's really really heavy, and not a theme that I often see explored on the site. I'd love for you to explore this light / dark motif a bit more in the rest of the poem to build up that continuity and make the whole piece even more cohesive. Right now you've got consistent bodily and helping imagery, but I think you could weave that light / dark imagery in there as well a bit for a chance at more imagery too.
Let me know if you had any questions about this review! I think this poem tackled an ambitious theme and I'm glad to have read it!
- alliyah
Thank you! There's definitely some things to consider here-- I'll see what I can work out in a revision.