Young Writers Society

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review.

I have to say, this was an amazing poem. Why have I not seen any of your works before?

I love the way you talk about 'her', all of awe and admiration. The imagery and hyperbole really gave a great touch to the poem.

I love rhyming poems, most of the poems I write rhyme. However, not many people write with rhyme due to its sometimes-impossible parameters, so thank you for rhyming this. I don't mean to say that free verse poems are bad, they have their own beauty.

I have no idea why, but I simply love this line:

Hers was a pain and a steel will to fight.

Momo, here to review, finally!

I just don't understand who you're talking about in this poem. Mother, sister, other female relation? I really don't know. I love how you keep describing yourself as a fool (I'm don't know why, I'm not trying to be rude). But I love it.This poem is so good. The repetition, the rhythm, *mwah!* I really don't know what to say, But I'll rant for 3 hours on how good it is if you want XD. That's all I have to say, really. Keep writing, and have a happy RevMo!
Momo

Hey, Stringbean! Raven here with the promised review.

This was lovely to read. Your repetition was a great touch, and the rhyming was fairly consistent. I can't complain about slant rhymes; sometimes those are necessary.

Honestly, there's very little to critique here, which is a problem I ran into with a couple of your other poems I read. You've got some very put-together poems, and you seem to know exactly what you're doing. This is a review, though, so I'll try to scrounge up some critiques.

One I have for you is that in the third stanza, you don't specify what "it" is in the third line. "She was the fire whose fuel it'd spent" doesn't make very much sense. Whose fuel did this fire spend?

Another critique for you is that the second to last line of the poem is a bit confusing. I'm not sure how to explain, but I can't make sense of it.

Overall, this was an excellent piece. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help; this was an excellent poem to begin with and it didn't need too much attention. I hope what little I had to offer will be useful to you! Happy RevMo and happy writing!

Regards,
RavenLord

Hey there stringbean. Reading this poem made me really want to express my opinions about it, and as a result I will review it :>.
Your metaphors are soo good "touch of frost 'cross the land", "moon cupped in her hand" "she was the fire whose fuel it'd spend" and many more. I love how by creating a certain image you also make way for new hidden meanings. I don't really agree with Vilnius on changing some lines, because they are confusing. Too much confusion like vague words threw away for no actual purpose is surely bad, however, when you do it in this poetic phrasing "hers was the sun"(god i love this) it is not confusing but a locked place with your imagination and analysing skills acting as a key. I think it's fine as it is.

Also another thing that bothers me. After reading the poem I thought that this is surely a poem where there is a person in love with a girl, now longing after her, maybe a bad break up. However Vilnius said that he/she found a new meaning completely different from my own: the love for one of the family members. I really squeezed my brain trying to find some clues to why he/she found this meaning but couldn't find any. Please enlighten me and tell me whether Vilnius' interpretation is more accurate to your original thinking or mine.

The last stanza is the best in the whole poem. While in every other one the persona describes his/her feelings in a poetic way, it is usually this longing feeling but kind of in a suspense. And this stanza comes in to complete the poem and gives the final answers regarding the persona's feelings. Gorgeous!

Keep up the good work! See ya soon heh

Hello there, @Stringbean! It's Squire Vilnius, here to review your poem!

So, my first impression of this work is that this is obviously focused around one person's emotions for another-- maybe a mother-daughter relationship or something similar? Sisters, maybe?

There were no grammatical errors! Yay!

So, I think that the line "Hers was the sun... and a bright golden light" needs to be modified a little. In saying "Hers was the sun," I'm not completely sure what you mean to say. She had a bright, happy, cheerful, naive personality? Overly optimistic? I really don't know.

I really like the emotion that you've filled this poem with. You've built up a lamentful song of rememberance and longing, and I really like that about this poem (and some of your others, as well).

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!