z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Hephalump

by Stringbean



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6 Reviews


Points: 381
Reviews: 6

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Wed Dec 28, 2022 12:53 pm
SkiiLabor8Flectigoal wrote a review...



What a ferocious poem, with every word calculated! The photo and font make it sincerely POP. I will strain to think of a few suggestions, but certainly with a lot of admiration. Instead of saying never you may want to say something like rarely - because i think at points along our childhood path we do get snippets of the coarse that lies ahead. But yeah, we never realize the full story until we exit the land of school.

Why did you choose to say woods were dark, instead of Are Dark? Thistled & strangling really make me feel the unease and tragedy. Now i know it's getting solemn. The knotted faces was my favorite line, knot only because personification but its so clever - it's like they're in pain and even also snarling because of it. In light (or dark) of that, you could make a pun of hundred (to make it hunt-red). Acres definitely set itself up for a sore sound effect.

Treats can't heal the stings... they are more constant & diverse than common resources can solve. Yet considering not everyone loses their self-esteem permanently, you could say tries/attempts to digest. Also instead of saying forest itself as a loose term, maybe go with something like the buzzing/bustle of beasts digest etc...

After conclusion, I wonder if maybe the title works better as plural 'Lumps?

Regardless, it's a finely manufactured concept! Raises a dilemma I ponder from time to time: the discretion of what things to let a child grow privy to, & when exactly to burst bubbles. Some things certainly have to be experienced with context, & no amount of forewarning may suffice. But hopefully the child will ask questions, which may show time has come to divulge information they have use for applying.




Stringbean says...


Thanks for your review



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240 Reviews


Points: 16328
Reviews: 240

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Fri Dec 23, 2022 4:56 pm
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hi, hello. I am Ina.

This poem reminds me of those old bedtime stories my mom used to read for me. Yeah and I read this when it was close to bedtime. It feels nostalgic in some way. This poem also tells children positivity that isn't toxic. It makes me imagine a lot of images in my too, even the background of the image tells the poem might be set in that place. I imagine wolves too. Over all, it is a good story. Keep it up, @Stringbean.

Merry Christmas and stay safe and cozy. By the way, your profile pic is cute.




Stringbean says...


Thanks for the review!



AkuRashomon says...


You're welcome!




Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
— John Oliver