Young Writers Society

Sunny frowned. "But… Okay, fine, I know that expecting things to be perfect forever is unreasonable. But I need a happy ending to my quest, at least!"

She needs to go home!

...though, now I'm curious. If she said this, what would Robert say to her? Would he give her some tips or ideas of how to get home??? Hmmm... if I were Sunny, I would try to brainstorm something with him, not just Jasper. I would trust Robert at this point, after all.

He floated over to Jessica and let out a sigh.

I sort of wish I could hear them gossip... this would be brilliant. XD

Jasper cut her off. "You sound like an infinite loop. Isn't it time for you to break and move on to the rest of the program?"

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT IF SUNNY IS THE ERROR BECAUSE SHE IS STUCK IN AN INFINITE LOOP???

Jasper offered Sunny a half-smile. "At least we can still have Earth-style burgers and fries."

This being by itself is weird. I think I would rather have Sunny stutter or say, "But---!" or something like that to kind of make that phrase less stand offish.

Also, Jasper is being surprisingly empathetic? I mean, clearly Sunny doesn't want to hear it, but he's trying to reassure her in his own way. Which is quite kind! He's trying to let her down gently. I can respect that!

Okay, she didn't particularly miss school, but everything else…

LOL. I also do not miss school...

The previous hero walked into the kitchen and smiled at the counters fondly. "My new life in this coding world starts now."

And then Sunny saw it: a flicker of iridescence, right next to the divider between the kitchen and the main area.

She squinted at it. "Jasper, I… is that…"

The splotch of color expanded, swirls of color forming a thin film in the shape of a door. Sunny gasped and stumbled backwards into a counter.

Jasper stopped short and stared at it with wide eyes. He looked from Sunny to the soap-bubble-like film.

"P-portal!"

PORTAL!!!!!

(Maybe they found peace between each other and...????)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Ahhhhh well this was quite the range of emotions on this one. Sunny really going downhill for the first time and having to come to terms with things only for this little friendship to grow and then *gasp* the potential portal.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Robert sighed and awkwardly patted Sunny's shoulder with one of his arm-slabs. His expression seemed to be sympathetic, to the extent that some pixels on a white surface could be. "Hate to break it to you, but, uh… happy endings don't really exist outside of fairy tales. Even if you return home, I'm sure you'll still have struggles and challenges to overcome. But that's alright, because there will be happy days. Happy middles, if you will. Don't you think?"

Sunny frowned. "But… Okay, fine, I know that expecting things to be perfect forever is unreasonable. But I need a happy ending to my quest, at least!" She groaned and stuffed her notebook back into her pocket. Sunny rubbed her temples, then stood up. "I'm going to find Jasper. We can brainstorm more things. Maybe… maybe we'll find something." She staggered a step, then righted herself and headed towards the kitchen.

Well it looks like Sunny really is having trouble processing that one. I loved the way that Robert broke that moment to Sunny. Definitely feels like he's really doing his best to be a bit more gentle and caring in this moment when Sunny is definitely having the worst of this whole experience.

Robert watched in concern, but she'd already disappeared into the back of the In-n-Out. He floated over to Jessica and let out a sigh.

In the back, Sunny was talking to a disinterested Jasper. "So, I was thinking there must be some kind of code monster around here. Have you heard of anything terrorizing villages?" Sunny flipped through her notebook and grimaced. "Or– or some other problem we can fix!"

Jasper glanced up briefly from where he was sitting on a crate, reading The Adventures of Semika the Semicolon. "Your tenacity is really something. Haven't you gotten the message yet? We're not going home."

Well this is becoming quite the process now for poor Sunny. With it becoming clear to us readers quite how bad things have become, its even more powerful now to see Sunny struggling like this to come to terms with it while Jasper appears to have just lapsed right back into everything.

"I refuse to accept that! I–"

Jasper cut her off. "You sound like an infinite loop. Isn't it time for you to break and move on to the rest of the program?"

Sunny spluttered. "That– that sounds like an insult. But it's fine, I get it. You're tired and hopeless. So you can rest for now and leave things to me, because I've still got things to try! If the code monster thing doesn't work out, we can just offer our hero services to the citizens of this land, or maybe research how coding on Earth really affects this world, or ask more ambassadors, or the Council Robert said they work for, or…"

Well.... petty code themed insults. We've definitely come on quite the journey. Ahhh the timing of this though...as almost cute as this moment could be, its just sad to see the circumstances that are bringing this about in this moment.

Jasper looked up again and fixed Sunny with a stare. "Don't waste your energy on this." He set down the book and started pacing. "I was full of ideas, too, right after my quest. I thought I could perhaps bring peace to every single conflict in Javaland, the Republic of C++, Pythonia, etc.… And I traveled all over with a focus, but none of those resolved conflicts rewarded me with a portal. Even summoning the errors did nothing more than doom another person to the same fate." He raised his arms and dropped them helplessly. "At this point, it's better to accept being stuck here as fact and move on. That's what I'm going to do."

Jasper offered Sunny a half-smile. "At least we can still have Earth-style burgers and fries."

Sunny huffed a laugh, but the mirth soon faded from her face and she sat down heavily on another upside-down crate. "So I just… give up?" The faces of her family flashed through her mind. She remembered the way sunlight fell perfectly on the apple tree in her backyard, and her younger brother's infectious laugh, and the way school could be occasionally, sometimes, fun. Okay, she didn't particularly miss school, but everything else…

Well this is a moment of pain I didn't think we'd actually see but well it is here and it is really quite powerful, seeing Jasper mention moments of what he did and how it was similar to Sunny and then those flashes of her family's faces is really the cherry on top of it all there.

She put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. Then Sunny looked back up at Jasper. "Maybe you've been here long enough that you're willing to forget everyone waiting for you back home, but I haven't. I'm still going to try."

Jasper nodded slowly. "Suit yourself. But if you don't find a way, feel free to come back here. I can teach you to make French fries. It's a process I discovered through significant trial and error…"

"Thank you." Sunny smiled for real this time. "So, what are you going to be doing while I go around trying to discover the secret to portalling?"

Well that's an awful lot like the start of at least a little friendship and maybe also the glimmer of hope. As much as it looks like its really not going to be possible for Sunny to do much here it seems she is still going to keep searching and assuming there isn't another sequel she might actually find something.

"Maybe I'll learn to make fried chicken. I could set up a restaurant chain." Jasper grinned and sat down on his crate again. "Or I could travel some more– I haven't explored all the islands yet."

"Sounds fun. Think they give travel discounts to heroes?"

"Ha, maybe!" Jasper leaned back against the wall and stared off into space, as if daydreaming about all the things he could do. "I've always wanted to travel the world and learn different languages and cultures. Before, I was traveling for work, but now I suppose I can travel for fun. It won't be exactly what I imagined, but I think it'll still be neat."

Hmm well now it seems they're both going to be travelling around a bit. I suppose we must be happy that at the very least through all of this Sunny appears to have gained a new friend and maybe that will end up being important after all.

"Bring back some souvenirs, please! And if you ever travel within Javaland and see Professor Polly, Adelia, or Eniac, give them my greetings." Sunny smiled.

They continued discussing Jasper's travel plans, and Sunny felt her spirits rise. After all, this place wasn't the worst place to be trapped, was it? Although she really would prefer to get back home.

Finally, it was evening again, and Sunny stretched her arms, getting ready to spend another night in the main area of the In-n-Out. Perhaps she and Robert could set off the next morning.

Jasper stood up and set his hands on his hips. "Y'know what? I might actually enjoy living in this world. Who cares about a portal?"

Well this is something slightly happy I suppose. Jasper finally finding a bit of company to have a chat with seems to have done him a world of good on the not being too negative scale. I suppose not even Jessica around must have done a number on him.

Sunny bit back an, "I do." If Jasper was feeling optimistic, who was she to correct him?

The previous hero walked into the kitchen and smiled at the counters fondly. "My new life in this coding world starts now."

And then Sunny saw it: a flicker of iridescence, right next to the divider between the kitchen and the main area.

She squinted at it. "Jasper, I… is that…"

The splotch of color expanded, swirls of color forming a thin film in the shape of a door. Sunny gasped and stumbled backwards into a counter.

Jasper stopped short and stared at it with wide eyes. He looked from Sunny to the soap-bubble-like film.

"P-portal!"

OOooh, well I've seen too many endings to believe that quite yet, but this is a stroke of actual surprise. I was convinced we weren't about to see a portal. Hmm, perhaps this portal is actually leading us to book two and not the both of them back home or maybe this is just for Jasper but I suppose there's really only one way to find out.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, well quite a powerful piece again. I honestly just can't wait to see how this ends now. Its definitely leading to some climax and well I am very curious to find out xD. The setup I think has been laid here pretty well. Its time to see how it pays off.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

Hi mint!

General Impressions

The first bit of this was mostly sad, since Sunny is clearly in adamant denial. Her plans get increasingly outrageous. The second bit, where Sunny and Jasper are discussing Jasper’s potential plans for staying there showed a marked shift in mood to more comical/ hopeful. Then the third bit was a real shocker – a super ironic plot twist to have the key to getting out be Jasper deciding to stay in Javaland. Will he even still want to go home now? :0
As a side note – I think I commented in a previous chapter that the “arm slab” description makes Jessica sound like an older model of the ambassador, but I’m now realising Robert has arm slabs too even though he’s new!

Glows – What I liked

I kind of like Robert’s first line here. Even though it’s a bit uncharacteristically rambly, that shows he feels out of his depth here, since he’s not used to comforting Sunny. It shows a different side to Robert’s realism that’s quite interesting.

I also like the humorous parts of the chapter.

Okay, she didn't particularly miss school, but everything else…

^ This part made me smile in the middle of a serious musing, and in a good way too! It felt in-character for Sunny and didn’t distract much from the sad mood. Speaking of sad, the line that got me the most was:

She remembered the way sunlight fell perfectly on the apple tree in her backyard,

The imagery here contrasts the usual imagery of the story and so stands out, highlighting Sunny’s own potential losses.

The conversation about what Jasper might do living in Javaland wasn’t like 100% comic relief, but reading it still made me smile! It kind of felt like this very intense acceptance of his situation that flips the perspective on his earlier view. At first, the burgers were his way of coping with losing Earth, now he’s imagining setting up a restaurant franchise for fun in Javaland.

Grows – Ideas to consider

While I like the parallelism of Jasper talking Sunny out of her problem like she did with him, I kind of wonder why Robert’s words don’t have as much of an effect. Maybe it’s just because Robert is more familiar to me as a reader (Jasper only really appears in the third act) – I’d like to see him have more of an influence over the major plot points of the story here. I find myself wondering what Robert wants aside from finishing his job.

Another idea to consider would maybe be introducing Jasper earlier in the story so that his change of mind can happen more gradually? Like, maybe they could first meet without Sunny knowing he’s the mastermind behind the errors (if you’d like to preserve the surprise), but he’s causing trouble some other way. I kind of felt like half a chapter was too short for him to realistically change his view and start helping Jessica, even considering that Sunny pushed his ‘berserk button’ on being selfish. Hope that makes sense as a comment, and let me know if it doesn’t!

Overall

This was a short chapter but a lot seems to have happened in it. The thing that intrigues me the most is what Jasper is going to do now that the portal has appeared. We all know Sunny wants to go home, but what about Jasper’s Javalandian restaurant chain? <.< I love how you’ve managed to turn a story about coding into a story that’s also about loss and acceptance, hope and despair.

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more specific feedback!
-Lim