Wings Soaring High

by Soulkana

Published August 15, 2011

In Poems

Spoiler! :
Random Title that might be changed later... Is rough draft. Please help with grammar and whatever else to make this better. It will be a present to my youngest sister...


A small child sits
as an inattentive mother
downs alcohol like water.
Oblivious daughter smiles
as the mother snatches
for one more without care.

Another year passes.
The child no longer smiles
at her wasted mother,
who now swallows medicines
by the hand fulls.
Her eyes dull with reject
as her brother is hugged tightly.

Why not me, mom?
The girl cries out in hunger
for the love she's denied.
The mother's selfish words
ring loud and tears apart
the fragile girl's heart.
you're not perfect. Like him.

Years pass on and now
The mother wastes away
in jail with only herself to blame.
The cherished brother now
is a delinquent in juvenile.

The girl lays in the mental ward.
The voice of her older sister echoing.
Be who you are, sister. Don't hang on
to the person who has wronged you.


A month passes slowly.
The girl is finally freed.
Her hand grips the phone
As she whispers to her sister.
You were right. It's time for a change.
I shall live for who I am.


And with those words
the daughter walks out
with head held up proudly,
Wings soaring high.
She is free of those pains.
To be herself by her choice.
A perfection like none other.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Aug 17, 2011

Very beautiful. It flows very nicel and tells a great story. I love the title! Please, don't change it! I think it was all great, and then ending summed it up really well except...

In the first verse you day:

Soulkana wrote:A small child sits
as an inattentive mother
downs alcohol like water.


I think maybe it was me because I didn't know what inattentive means, but I thought the child was a mother drinking alcohol. Maybe you should say:

A small child sits
While an inattentive mother
downs alcohol like water.

I just thought it would be a bit better and clearer. I would like to help you with punctuation but I'm not so great with that! Hope I helped you a little bit!

Deanie :)

User avatar
Cailey
Review
Cailey wrote a review Review · Aug 15, 2011

That was beautiful, I love it. I was so caught up in the poem that I forgot to check for grammar and spelling mistakes. So I only have one correction to make. "ring loud and tears apart" Just tear apart, no s. I wish I had more to say, but this poem made me speechless. It was great, and I hope someone else comes by and gives a better review, since I know I'm not being very helpful...



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