Fingers brush against the paper,
words spilling over the white
like the colors on a canvas.
Shrieks of laughter echo
in the playground as the breeze
saturates the spring with warmth.
Eyes glance towards the children,
but a whisper haunts any actions.
Silence is always be the answer.
A telephone call ends with the familiar click.
The news of a mother's imprisonment,
An unwanted interruption to a celebration of birth.
A glance to the several smiling relatives,
and again, a taunt whispers in the back,
like an echo of a heartbeat, unrelenting,
Silence is always the answer.
Square shaped hats blanket the air,
A cloud of white, black and red
among the cheering crowds.
A smile stretches wide at the degree,
held tightly in hand among fellow graduates.
And for once, the whisper is now changed,
Maybe silence is not the answer.
A screen lights the late night,
a sudden shift at the dark room.
A mistake, unable to erase
looms over the thoughts of several.
Fingers shake and a tear falls unseen.
And once more, after years of silence,
the whisper of the cruel child rings loud,
no longer able to deny its possible truth.
Silence will always be the answer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
hello there! the.iron.novelist here on behalf of the Firebolts!
I just have a few things to point out because otherwise I thought this was pretty well-written:
I know that technically, grammatically, you're capitalizing things correctly. But it bothers my eyes if some lines begin with a capital letter and some don't. I tend to make them all capital or all lowercase (with the exception of proper nouns). Just preference.
Also your wording is off in this line:
"Silence is always be the answer"
This doesn't make sense. Did you mean 'silence will always be the answer' or something likewise?
That's about it. Hope I helped just a little:)
~iron.n
I revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.
Hey there, Soulkana! It's Quenterino, dropping in to give your poem a review.
Before I begin the actual review, I feel I should point out a small nitpick. In line 9, it says, "Silence is always be the answer." I assume this occurred because you had first wrote that silence will always be the answer, but edited it. Erase the "be," and you should be right as rain.
Now, the actual review:
The enjambment of your lines pretty much carries the totality of your rhythm, giving it a dark, melancholic tone, which is fitting for your subject and theme. All your images are clear, and convey a lot of emotion. Literal tears were streaming down my face as the poem climaxed. Just wow. However, I'm not sure if the mother's imprisonment was a physical imprisonment or an emotional or psychological one. Perhaps you could make that clearer.
Keep writing,
Augustus.
OOOOOOH okay that repetition is on point, and the italics are great.
I love the pace of the poem, it's so slow and that really help to indicate the passing of time, which was really really well done
Your word choice is phenomenal, as is the images you create, for example - I adored
"Fingers brush against the paper,
words spilling over the white
like the colors on a canvas"
And this.. this
"Square shaped hats blanket the air,
A cloud of white, black and red
among the cheering crowds.
A smile stretches wide at the degree,
held tightly in hand among fellow graduates.
And for once, the whisper is now changed,
Maybe silence is not the answer."
I like the change in flow here, because the speaker has changed their mind, it's like a turning point. TP are story techniques, and so having one in a poem telling a story is amazing. This is amazing.
Then again, the last line, "Silence will always be the answer." LOVE.
One wee thing, is in the first stanza it ends with "Silence is always be the answer."
And that doesn't make sense
Anyways! It was fantastic, you're amazing, and I really can't wait to read more of your work sometime! I'm going to go because this is getting long..
It was fab!
Love
Nice work here ! I loved it
)