Hopes pt one
I thought hope
Was all I had
After the cold eyes
That haunted my dreams
Took all I had left
Those blue eyes
Like frozen water
Boring into my
Dark brown eyes
Like warm chocolate
His cold voice
Played over in my head
As I stood up and
Walked the dead hallways
As my fingers traced
The scar he left behind
As I stared out
The dark broken window
I realized hope
Was not and would not
Be found in my world
Of him, the demon, Shade.
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139,613 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
I really liked this... Although there were some cliche words like "blue eyes, frozen water, dark brown eyes, and melted chocolate," it is a very well written poem. Most people CAN NOT get away with using no puntuation, but it made the flow of the poem more significant. You did really well on keeping the main subject through the whole thing, which can sometimes be difficult. Also, you used great imagery. I can literally visualize it in my head. Great job! I'm looking forward to reading more from you
-Bagel Baby-
Thank you for inspiring me to write again.
i like the poem and i agree with the rating.
Thanks for the review but This is just to help with my friend, she asked me to write it and I don't want to change it cuz she loved it and she means a lot to me
This was okay, but really I think that it needed more. It was just kind of typical. Your main problem is cliche words (yep, believe it or not, even certain words are cliche now). What I mean is words like "blue eyes/frozen water," "brown eyes/melted chocolate," "dead hallways," "scar he left behind," or talking about eye color at all, in general...why does everybody talk about eye color?!
Well, you get my point. I'm not saying this is a bad poem, because it's not, but it's all stuff we've heard a bajillion times. Try to give us something fresh, with its own unique edge.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Also I loved your name for the poem iot really gave me goosebups, Thats why I wnated to read it!
~Pixie2~
The first line I think had something spelled wrong but, overall it was great. I loved it so much!
~ Pixie2~
Haha sure draw if if you want so long as you give me credit for writing the poem haha. I would love to see It ^^
I'm more of a story person and not great at poetry but wanted to say my opinion for review.
Great poem!
I enjoyed this poem. It is to the point and I can visualize it well.
I like the descriptions and imagery of this poem.
I am looking forward to reading your other works you have posted.
I really enjoyed the gentle flow. YOu did well keeping on the main subject and did I mention I love how I can visualize it? I almost want to draw a picture to go with your poem.