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140,552 Literary Works • 673,425 Reviews
Cycle? Curse? Pure? Bloodstained? This is epic and all, but I can't not think of periods. Although maybe if they read stuff like this at red tent parties, I would find the whole idea of red tent parties less mortifying...
Okay, maybe not.
Periods and pain in childbirth because Eve ate the apple. Don't get me wrong, if this is intentional, it is the most epic poem about periods, ever. But if it is not, then I am confused. There are a lit of grand fantasy things going on, and constructing of archetypes and terminology that is a convention of fantasy, the Pure Ladies, The Bloodstained Kindness, The Ancients. Of course the problem with having to work within the confines of a poem rather than a book large enough to kill someone when thrown is you have much less time to make us care about these things. Through the repetition of the phrases, the tone, the structure, I understand they have deep symbolic meaning internally, but I am not immersed enough in the world of the poem to understand and revere them. I could recourse to fantasy convention, most speculative fiction uses someone who is an outsider somehow, say Frodo, Neo, kids are quite popular, which means that the author can explain things to the reader through that character withoyt being patronizing. I am in no way saying that this poem needs one of those, just that while they have it much much easier than you do in this poem, they still cheat.
Hey I'm here to review you. I did not really notice any problems in this poem! I loved it!
To begin I will quote the entire poem because it is so incredible!
This poem covers all the elements a good poem should have!
Check over the first stanza specifically for the flow of that stanza.
It was incredible.
~
Team Green Hulk!
Soulkana, long time no see. Well anyways, here's a short review for the sake of you. It's a simple one, by the way, and its not much of a tetchy one, I''ll just focus on the different lines and stanzas.
On an overall note, this is a poem, so there's no need to capitalize every start of the line. If it's a convention, though, I'm fine with it
First, well, is the first stanza. I am very uncomfortable with its flow. The first line seems to be narrative, so I'll go okay with that, and the two following lines, divided by periods seem to describe the first. The only things which impede me from my reading is the periods. It stops the flow as if the other lines are not written to describe it. It does give a serious effect, but simple commas can work better. Nonetheless, I really like those descriptions for the runes.
Next is the third stanza. The usage of "so rare" needs some direction, maybe by putting it between commas, because when you read it straightly, it will sound a bit weird. Also, 'on' should be 'in' because you used live.
This, I think, is my favorite stanza. It talks a lot about the binds of spells and comprehensible history. Although, I wish that you resisted using be-verbs 'cause they acted as lazy words, especially in the last line. Try to interchange and experiment with this stanza because it can really spark up the piece.
The following lines tell more about the poem itself; conflict and solution. So I suggest that you reread them and see if they need more imagery. To add more historic effect, use some (not change) words which are related to history in the piece. Flowery adjectives can also make the piece prophetic
Anyways, I'll stop here
Your pal,
Al
...wow.
That's all I can really say. Well, I could also say reviewing's troublesome- but this piece deserves it. It was brilliantly written, especially with the language you used. You were able to paint a very clear picture. I noted a couple plural-type grammar errors you could fix, which might help it flow more smoothly in the long run (third stanza, could change 'on' to in'. Sixth stanza, change 'These' to this, etc), but overall, this piece is very hard to critique. Your poems are absolutely beautiful.
My rating: 9.8/10 (only due to those two possible changes I recognized earlier. But don't feel obliged to do anything about it.) This poem is near perfection, and definitely one of the best, if not the best poem I've read on this site so far.
If you EVER need reviews, feel free to drop me a message. I'd be more than happy.