from polluted hearts and skyscrapers

Hi Sophiewrites! Thanks for your review before!
This is a seriously gorgeous piece. The images and feelings really hit home, and it sounds very genuine, like it's coming from your heart.
I'd like to make a few suggestions, however. For the most part, it flows beautifully, but there are just a couple hiccups.
The first one,
"Empty hearts and broke souls"
Empty hearts has such a lovely flow, and feels like it needs a partner to mirror it. I read in a previous review critiquing this word choice that you'd meant to express a lack of money with "broke". I think this might be better conveyed with the word "penniless". This way, it would flow off the tongue better.

(a teeny grammer thing, "by a pretty little fool, whose name you'VE forgotten." I love this sentence though!!)

Lastly is a nitpick;
"or its demons are gonna eat you alive." This is the only part in the poem that you lower your diction slightly. I would suggest either changing "gonna" to "going to" or "apt to". If you used "apt to", it would play nicely with the a sounds of "are" and "eat".

So, there was some wonderful wordplay here. I especially like "You wake up tired in a city that never sleeps." it's such a strong line, and really adds to the poem when you repeat it towards the end. The repetition and rhyme in this poem was masterfully done in general, and I think you should definitely pursue publishing.
Have a lovely night!

Hallo Sophiewrites!!

To start off, what a profound and effective piece!
Your word choice is awesome - I can imagine this as a song, too!

Just one thing:

"by a pretty little fool, whose name you forgotten"

Not quite the correct grammar here - maybe change the "you" to "you've", or "forgotten" to "forgot" (if you want to, that is!)

My absolute favourite line is "You wake up tired in a city that never sleeps", and I'm glad you repeated it because, for me, it represents what the poem is about - that the soul becomes tired when there's nothing to life but money and empty promises. I'm just not sure about the last repetition (second last line). I think it may be just one too many - perhaps think about tweaking that?

Awesome poem
Sorry if you have no idea what I'm talking about!! (I'm a newbie too

-nonz

Timmyjake to give you a short review!

There isn't anything to critique really in this piece. It flows beautifully and has depth to it. I absolutely love your imagery!

money is the key to survive in a concrete jungle,

Empty hearts and broke souls whisper their secret desires

Looser morals call for lower prices but you already paid yours.

This is a very nice poem! Welcome to YWS by the way, it's great here!
Right, onto the work.

I love your wording. Seriouisly. It's brilliant.
"concrete jungle,"
"between crushed dreams and glasses of champagne."
Were my favourite parts, as it just totally let's the reader imagine this scene you are writing and creating. Concrete jungle though... it's so good.
Another piece I like is the last line, how you've crossed it out. I mean, that's just fabulous. You cross it out as if you're denying what you really think and it really makes this poem complete by adding emotion behind it.

The repetition of "city that never sleeps." was very nice, always reminding the reader and almost as if you were the city never stopping...
This is seriously beautiful, keep at it, and I strongly apologise for no criticism; I can't find anything!
-CFG