Money can't buy you happiness.
But It can buy you a one-room apartement in Brooklyn,
with a wooden floor your feet get cold on,
as you tip toe towards the bathroom.
A hideout to eat ice-cream for breakfast and dinner,
while watching the sun set and rise.
But it can't make you love me again,
and it can't make time go faster.
For it stands still, when you lose the one
that made you forget it existed in the first place.
So I stand here with some coins in my pocket
and yet a broken watch.
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Well done! This poem worked really well, and is an interesting idea, not one I have come across in many poems.
I didn't quite understand the last line; What does a wristwatch have to do with the subject? I would be grateful if you could clear that up for me.
Also I am unsure whether the "you" in the bulk of the poem and the "me" in the last two lines are the same people. It is either a generalised self description or a message to an ex lover.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hello! The last lines refer to the line ,,time stands still when you lose the one that made you forget it existed'', the narrator lost her/his lover and thus stands there with a broken watch.. watches usually stand still ever since the moment they broke which would be the couple's break up? I hope this makes sense haha I am soooo tried.
According to my calculator, 300ft2 = 90,000. I don't know what that has to do with your poem, but regardless I like this. I like how cold it is. It's also attractively to the eyes when you look at the structure and the shapes of the stanza. They are all of discombobulated polygons, and look rather swell to the eyes. I like the coins in your pocket and your broken watch, how money does nothing for time. It's rather cute. Anyway, good job.
Hey
The title refers to the size of a rather small apartement... I am glad you like my little poem! Thank youuu
This is a cool poem, okay so I think not poems are cool, but whatever.
The part about time not going faster and standing still was really cool. I especially liked when you added the part about having coins only coins and a broken watch. The broken watch part totally connected with your statement about time standing still. It showed hat this person is still stuck in time, because technically, if a watch is broken, it can't tell time anymore, it's usually just stopped at whatever time it broke.
This is an awesome poem, however, I am wondering why it's called 300ft^2. Is t questioning the depth of things, like love and time? If so, interesting, very interesting indeed.
Thanks for reading my rambly review! Good poem!:-)
Hey!
You totally got what I meant by the watch part!
To the title: It's refering to the size of a usual small (if not tiny) apartement...
Thank you so much xx
Yay! Oh, and the title makes the poem even better now that I know what it means. It's still a cool poem! Adieu!
I love this poem - it sounds desperate and haunting, and yet beautiful. In the way an abandoned house is beautiful. I especially like the last line and the metaphor tied to it. Normally I don't read much romantic stuff, but this was lovely. Thank you for writing it. I have only one question - "But It can buy you a one-room apartement in Brooklyn" - did you capitalize It on purpose? I think it works well there, even if it was by accident.
Thank you so much for your review!
Yes, I wanted to personalize money in a more hidden way..
-sophiewrites