Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
“Why…why? Why can’t I access it?” Rachel whispered desperately to herself, clicking the refresh button over and over again. It was midnight, and the address of the webpage was www.jigokutsuushin.net.
Is my hatred not strong enough? she wondered. Night after night, she had tried to access Jigoku Tsuushin, but every time, the “webpage not found” message had come up on her screen. Her situation wasn’t getting any better either—only worse. Jigoku Shoujo, please…please save me! she screamed in her mind, Why won’t you come?
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Starting with a bit of a disclaimer that I don't actually know what fandom this fic is from here.
Ohh...kay...accessing a webpage is not how I expected this to begin here but this is certainly an intriguing start here, I assume perhaps this webpage has more significance to someone that actually knows what this fandom is about, but even not knowing about that, this is definitely an interesting conundrum of sorts to get a story started off with. And the fact that this is potentially some kind of wi fi issue or something along those lines is definitely a very interesting modern version of the old classic door that doesn't seem to unlock.
Hmm, usually the question would be if the wifi is not strong enough, but hatred, well, that's definitely a very intriguing avenue to be getting into there...I have no idea how anyone would ever link something to do with hatred with the ability to access a webpage but that sure does sound like something I've never seen before and also the start to a potentially very interesting story here. And of course the desperation that's very clear in especially the way the last line here is written, well, this promises to be quite the story here. Its certainly got itself a killer premise here in this prologue. This is definitely one that I would read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Is it sad that I only just realized that there's that whole other "insult to injury" storyline for Jigoku Shoujo too?
Definitely reading that next. Omg. I'm excited.
hello. I saw some other parts to this in the green room and decided to go back and read this one first ^^ Keep in mind even though this is fanfiction, I have no idea what Jigoku Shoujo is at all.
Very interesting concept...haven't read too many stories that ado with the internet on here, although I'm reading a novel about it right now. The start to this is very dramatic and high paced, so it's easy to want to go and read the next part, heheh. Overall, this dramatic prologue is very short, but very intriguing. Good work on it.
Hello, my friend! I'm happy to see you're reading this.
I tried to write it in such a way that people who have never seen Jigoku Shoujo would be introduced to it as if they were watching the first episode of it---although some of the other people who have reviewed it so far have noted some points of confusion that I haven't had a chance to fix yet. In any case, I hope you enjoy it!
Hey, I'm here to review!
A Hell Girl fanfic! I'm looking forward to how this goes. I've watched some of Hell Girl episodes and they were good. I like how the hatred created is based on realistic setting, characters, and conflicts.
I think that the theme of Hell Girl is crushed hope, really. When the protagonist tries to save the person who's seeking hell's help, she never gets to succeed.
Back to your story. This prologue is intriguing, suspenseful and shows Hell Girl anime in its best - the website, the hatred, the person who's sure to die. Seeing how the character here is named Rachel, I guess it's set in a Western setting? I think it would be a nice way to execute the theme of Hell Girl as Westerners and Asians have different ways to socialize and all.
I just want to suggest you to minimize the use of adverbs and replace them with descriptions instead. I don't think "desperately" is needed here since "clicking [...] ovet and over again" shows just that. It's good to reread your story and find out parts where you subconsciously repeated them.
That's all. XD Keep it up!
Thanks for the review! I've really tried to keep the tone and style of the actual anime, since I like it for the same reasons that you do. It's like realism, but with a supernatural element worked into it. You might find, however, that my Hell Girl stories depart from the anime in a few ways--including the Western setting. My sequel to "The Saved and the Damned", which I'll get posted here eventually, is also in a different setting: India.
Thanks for your suggestion about the adverbs, too. I'll see if I can make some changes when I get time.
So, I'm here to review this, Atsmai here. So, from the beginning, I feel like this is horror for some sort of reason, and, I figure the name is from some sort of different part of the world? Japanese? Chinese? Sorry if I'm like, misnomering the name.
It's short, and that's good, because most people won't take the time to read prologues, most skip them.
I don't exactly know what's going on, and that's the one string you have me by, is that I don't know what's going to happen. The hook is that we the readers don't know what's going on, but, I would like to know something, something that will pull me in further. Than again, you do make me want to read more by making me not know what's going on, and it's driving my head crazy.
This prologue is weak and strong in its own ways, I think it's strong in the mystery of what's going on, but it's weak in the same way, I could just as easily stop reading here because I don't care right now, I don't know what's going on, what's happening to the characters, but I do care.
Save the character from what? Why will the website save her? Is she being saved because he ran away from her, were they in a relationship? This is a mystery that ties a string to your hand and pulls you around with it, I like that, and my mind is filled with questions.
In all, this is different from what I have seen before in prologues, and I like it.
Funny thing about the structure of this story...the Prologue only ties with the Epilogue, like bookends, with two different stories in between. But they all have to do with Jigoku Tsuushin. (And yes, it is Japanese. The setting is from an anime.)