Ahhhhh, there’s some disbelief!
Lucy so far seems like a more real person than Paul. Possibly it’s because she’s busy worrying about real things like pregnancy and what people will think of her being an unwed mother and whatever Paul has done to her in the past (which I’m insanely curious about after reading the first couple paragraphs of this chapter).
Or maybe it’s because I find Paul distasteful. That’s not something you need to change, by the way, unless you intend readers to sympathize with him more—it’s fine, even good sometimes, to have a character readers don’t like. I mean, I could sympathize with him because he’s desperate to save his unborn child and claims he’ll take complete care of it if Lucy will just carry it to term. (Plus he and Lucy were dating, so it’s not like a rape case where I would have NO sympathy toward the rapist wanting to “save his child.”)
But first of all, there’s no proof that he won’t lose interest the moment the baby is born—or even before, when he starts thinking about what a commitment that really is, especially to take on as a single parent who is still in school. Then there’s the fact that it’s mentioned in this chapter that he’s treated Lucy poorly in the past (which could merely refer to him getting angry that she wanted an abortion, but I feel like there’s more) and the fact that he doesn’t seem to understand what a burden pregnancy and giving birth are or what people are likely to think of an unwed mother, AND the fact that he clearly seems to care about the fetus far more than his fully-grown girlfriend and potential mother, AND the fact that he tries an outright manipulation to get Lucy to change her mind.
Which is not what a good person or someone who was in love would do.
Plus, since you showed us that Lucy secretly wants the child, too, but feels like an abortion is her only choice, she is actually far more sympathetic at this point than Paul. And I really like that you showed us that—she’s not portrayed as some cold-hearted monster or a party girl who doesn’t want to have kids; she’s shown as someone who feels like this is her only choice. It makes the whole thing so much more powerful.
I think that’s almost all I have to say about this bit, except that it was kind of an odd moment when Paul actually pulled out the doll to show to Lucy. Her REACTION was good—“I don’t know what you’re talking about” and then walking off—but it was just got to the doll really quickly, when that’s the sort of thing I’d think most people wouldn’t show to the other person at all, because most likely the other person is going to go, “Yeah, right,” and maybe laugh at you.
Paul does not seem like a very stable person.
Onward ho!
BlueAfrica
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