The lonely one

Hi! Remi over here to review.

This poem is so relatable, holding the same questions that I ask myself on a constant basis. I love how every four lines ends with a question, until the very last line, making the ending seem more final.

The hesitation that the speaker holds is what makes the poem and hits the reader - even in the very last line, "I guess then that's okay" - because everyone feels that way at a certain point of time.

Something to work on may be to add more descriptive and "grabbing" vocabulary to add better word choice and entice the reader. However, I do understand the flip side of using simple language, because it helps relate it to the reader and the questions they ask themselves often.

Your rhyming is nice and overall, this simple poem is striking. Have a good day, and keep writing!

Hey SilverBerry! I can really relate to this poem, that feeling of loneliness, that you'll never fit in with the rest but you want to speak to someone. Very well written! One thing though: The ending. There needs to be more at the end, it just doesn't work out for me. Other than that, I love the concept and the reality. Keep writing!
From, Waffle

Hi SilverBerry! Cakerissa reporting for Reviewing!

I can relate to this poem so much, it's insane. I don't have many friend and people just don't include me very often. Okay, off of the Life Story stuff. I liked how well you interpreted people's feelings into a poem. One thing I think you could change is splitting the poem into stanzas. On the fifth line, you don't have any punctuation. I hope that this poem isn't written from experience, because I don't think anyone should feel like that.

Keep writing!
Cakerissa

Hello! Tigerlilly here to review your wonderful poem!

Ahh. The life of an introvert. Being one myself, this poem is very, very relatable. I do have my few select friends, but apart from them, I feel quite out of place and lonely. I sit in the background and watch everyone laugh and play, and when someone talks to me, it does feel like that weight is lifted off of me. This poem describes those feelings perfectly.

Another thing I really liked about this poem was the structure: It flows very well and the rhyme doesn't feel forced at all.

Personally, I kind of wish I had more to nitpick on, but it appears I'm out of luck. I already enjoy this poem so much! So, with that, have a nice day and keep writing!

Aw, I like how simple it is to relate to. I've felt like that on my own birthdays! The resignation in the last few lines hit home and I like the structure. First review so I'm not sure if I should write an essay or not... Regardless! I really liked it, and it twanged at my heart. Nicely done!

Hello! I'm here to edit your poem! Except it's perfect so far!! However that's where I come in, let's go a little more into the deep with this I hope this helps!

Let's begin XD I'm going to suggest some things to you that I think will make your poem better and hopefully get you thinking!

You've expressed what it is very well, however NOW I want to know why..... I think you should make a continuation of the poem where you ask yourself why you feel lonely, and suggest reasons, as well as ask why their approval incites such a curiously apathetic response... Could it possibly be a defense mechanism?
You want to do these things..... however there's a sense of fear throughout the poem, you could capitalize on that and introduce it as a cause of some of this, or even go abstract with it and say perhaps that the fear is not really for their approval, but more because you're afraid of not knowing who you are, if they can see who you are, and such. Therefore it is so intensely felt because you have no way of knowing and feel powerless in the situation, and aren't accepting it. Ooh! Could that be a good conclusion to it? Powerless to accept that you don't know who you are, and afraid to find out.

That's the internal direction... you could also go external! Let's see...

Perhaps the why is because others don't understand you, however you don't see anyway that they can and it scares you. You are trapped in your mind, while they are so comfortable with each other, you could almost feel as if you were intruding. How can they do it so easy? That can be a point. How is it so easy for them while I must suffer even though we are (I don't really know this, I'm assuming here, so it could be totally wrong) at the same point in life. I think you should use the word 'pressure' as a description for it somewhere because that is close to how it feels


I hope this helped!!! I enjoyed your poem.