I think it gives us all a fright,
To wonder what's lurking in the night,
The monsters hiding under the bed,
The spiders filling me with dread,
I hug my pillow to my chest,
The horrid fears that know me best,
I wake up in a cold, wet sweat,
The moon is telling me not to fret,
But I can't help it, I'm afraid,
Until the nightmares start to fade.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Hello there!
( Your name's awesome! XD ) I really liked the way you made the whole thing rhyme! I'm not a good poet and when it comes to rhyming, I actually am very bad at that! So, it's great to read your one! One of my friends once told me, if a poetry doesn't rhyme, it's not a poetry at all! I don't agree with it totally, you know! I'm no good at jingle, so, got to be defensive sometimes, right? 
Yeah. Now, your title attracted me really. As I writer, I believe, one needs to be clever when it comes to naming. So, good job there. Good use of punctuations too. And, good format As well. Yeah! Overall awesome poem! I really loved it!
So, keep up your good work, mate! Goodbye!
-Nire.
Hi!
I feel like this is beautifully rhymed!
I really like the tone and rhythm of this poem. Although I would've expected a jumpscare of an ending.
XD
Anyway, this is the first thing I've reviewed in a long time.
I know a few other people have commented what I am about to but I feel like it should be emphasized.
I feel like this is unnecessary repetition and you could have just said cold sweat. Or, if you would have preferred, you could have used another adjective. Wet just doesn't sound right to go here.
It might just be me but it seems like you switch from first to third and back to third somewhere in this poem multiple times. It just sounds...off....in some places, know what I mean? Like, the beginning sounds as if you're speaking to an audience which has all experienced what you are. Then, this seems to perhaps switch to a narrative in which you tell your story.
Sorry if this came off as rude because I am a little rusty in the reviewing part of this and this poem is overall very nicely written. Good job.
~Tiff
I loved that you rhymed! I've always been a sucker for that that stuff. This poem gave me the chills especially since I just found a spider on my bed and it's nighttime. I commend you on how well your poem "flows". I can just read it over and over again with ease. There's nothing complicated about it to understand. Good work!
Hello blablabl92!
I was about to yell at you for rhyming, but I kind of like the sing-songiness to this, so the rhyming might be alright. I'm usually not a fan of it whatsoever because it forces you to say things you wouldn't normally say to fit the rhyme. That makes the rhymes forced.
This poem was nice and short and simple. I found it much to my liking. I can see little children liking this poem a lot.
However, there's not a lot new to this poem. I've read these things before, it's been done. I'd love to see you take this --or some other poem!-- in an unexpected direction. You've got technique down, now make it count! make things we've never seen before! That's the coolest part about writing poetry. You get to make people think in a direction they've never thought about before. That's also the hard part about it. It's hard to create something completely new. But I challenge you to do it c:
the part where you mention that you woke up shook me up a little. I hadn't realized that the narrator was asleep. Perhaps you should make that line the beginning of a new stanza to separate it from the part where the narrator is awake and contemplating the scariness of night?
There's one part where the rhythm was off a bit:
the "is telling me" is the part that throws this off. If you changed it to something like "just tells me," that would fix it, but I'm not sure if that's the kind of thing you have in mind. Fix it somehow though, it currently sticks out like a sore thumb!
I hope this helps a bit! Let me know if you have any questions! I'd love to be of help. Keep writing!
~fortis
Hello! Elysium here with a review.
Not too shabby of a poem! I do like it, yet there a few flaws/
Wet sweat, is what I am focusing on. Isn't all sweat wet? Please notify me if I am wrong.
Also, the rhyme scheme is a bit annoying. Yes, you are rhyming, but they seem forced. I would try to force it a little less or don't rhyme in the poem at all.
Other than that, I think that the poem is good. Not the best yet not the worst. The errors I found could use some work. So yeah, not a bad job.
I apologize for this review being short. I also want to see more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write!
-Elysium
Hey! ChocolateCello here with the promised review! (Happy review day!)
Okay, so over all, great poem. You had a steady constant flow and none of the rhymes felt forced.
I feel like these lines don't tie together well enough though. If you say 'I can't help that I'm afraid' then you should follow it up with an explanation of why you're afraid (Although it's very clear) so maybe change the first one to something like 'So I sit in bed, alone, afraid' (Just a suggestion).
Also-
I think 'cold, wet' could be replaced with better descriptive words. (Chilling? Icy?)
Other than that, this poem was great. Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Phee Phi Pho Phum, I'm going to review until you're numb.
Hey, I'm Editor, and I'm reviewing for team Phee Phi Pho Phum. I like your poem, but there are problems with the flow: You are starting each line with a capital letter and ending each line with a comma, except the very last line that ends with a period. The fear of all English teachers is a run-on sentence. Capitalization is only necessary if the line starts with the word "I," if you are starting a new sentence, or if the word is a proper noun. I like the poem, but like all of our works, it can be improved.
I'm out like a girl scout! Review you later!