The braids wrapped around her,
Thick strands of steel,
The floor was like frostbite,
The surroundings surreal.
She didn’t cry out,
Nor succumb to despair,
For she saw the beautiful face
To which nothing could compare.
No matter the bars around her,
Or the bones that one could see,
For under the brilliant moonlight,
Was the perfect place to be.
She felt the stab of pain,
For the horrors she had brought,
The thing that one called guilt,
The reprimanding thought.
Of course she was punished,
People spit at her feet,
Though the moon was still shining
On her heart of deceit.
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Hello there! Here with a review for Team Weasely!
I will give my overall thought to your poem after I am done because I correct while I read
Okay, I just got finished reading this and to tell you the truth, I found nothing wrong with your poem!! It was good literature, very well composed and the theme was amazing!! The theme was my very favorite part, about a girl who was trapped by bars but snuck out to see the wonderful moonlight but in the end, felt the pain of guilt.
Loved your poem and I will go review your second part now!
Keep writing!
Gymnast2801 for Team Weasely.
Hi SilverBerry, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day and happy review day.
Theme: So the theme of this poem was around a prisoner and the moon. First you describe who the prisoner is and where they are. You express their feelings very well in the poem too. Then you explain the moon to us and how it lifts the girls spirits a bit. Then you explain how she's guilt and basically tell us that she's so happy that the moon still shines down on her even though she's sinned.
Description: The description this poem was perfect for me. It wasn't over the top and really added to the feel of the poem's sadness. Your word choice was great and sounded sophisticated, but not so sophisticated that I had to look up what the words meant. The last line was the perfect end to this poem, leaving me satisfied, but sad al the same.
Grammar and Punctuation: As far as grammar and punctuation goes, I think you nailed it.
Rhythm: Your rhythm in this poem was great and I loved the rhyme scheme you had going. It really helped keep a smooth flowing rhythm.
Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Cassie here with another review,
...
I hope you are having a great day!
"Though the moon was still shining on her heart of deceit."
This line spoke so much in my heart. It was absolutely beautiful.
One of the best I have seen so far!
So many of us experience pain within ourselves and even physical pain. This poem coveyed both of those thing and you could really feel that pain in this poem.
A beautiful writer for sure!
Please keep writing!
I really like your imagery. The poem is just the right length, sweet and short. Your vocabulary is great. I liked the lines "People spit at her feet, though the moon was shining on her heart of deceit." I like that you made her strong in the beginning, but even stronger in the end. What did she do? What did she deserve to be locked in a steel of pain? I really truly did enjoy your poem, keep on writing!
Hello and good day!
Your poem here was very pretty, but also terrible. And I don't mean the poem was terrible, it's like an amazing beast that is so beautiful it is terrible... Did that make sense? I feel that I am going about this all wrong.
The flow of your poem was perfect, it went as smoothly as a stream down the side of an iceberg. There were no places with too many or too little syllables, no hitches were it threw the flow off. It was perfect.
I like your rhyme scheme a lot too. And even though you managed to prefect that, it didn't seem like any of it was forced. It didn't feel like you had to try really hard to make this work. It was an enjoyable read.
Your story is wonderful. I feel like this is a short story in poem format, I like it. It is a really sad and heart-wrenching poem, but I'm not sure why that is. The fact that you wrote this so well, and managed to bring my emotions to the surface shows how well you write.
Again, I really like reading this, your penning is magnificent and I cannot wait to read your future works.
Great Job and Keep on Writing!
OH MY GOSH THE PHANDOM IS HERE I LOVE YOUR AVATAR I'M FOLLOWING YOU
*gasps in disbelief* YOU'RE IN THE PHANDOM???
PHANDOM YESSS LET US UNITE
Hurray!
Hi! Sarah12 here to review. First off, this was beautiful, and it had a wonderful rhythm, which is definitely the hardest thing to find when it comes to poetry. However, the way it is formatted makes it a little hard to read. I think if you broke it up into four-line stanzas, it would make it a lot easier to read. Overall, though, it was really great. Good job, and always keep writing!
Sarah12
Hello, this is Moonwatcher. So, this is my first review, and I think I have a rough concept of what should be included. I won't take my advice, I'm not the best writer. I really liked the poem, it was nice and meaningful. I completely know why you called the poem Luna. It was hard to read, I would suggest adding stanza. It would definitely be a relief for the eyes. I can't say much about the punctuation. Overall, it was a nice poem. Excellent work!