We ripped the spines out of leaves
and stapled them to our backs.
It will never stop being a wonder how
something so flimsy could be so strong.
So we prayed to them like disciples,
in hopes that one day we too would be able to bend
and not break.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
This is the stuff I subconsciously look for in any form of literature; the stark imagery. Bleak abstractions. Petals of raw emotion, beautiful in their simple honesty. This is truly a work well done.
My only qualm - the flow of the sentence, "It will never stop..." clashes with that of the rest of the poem. Like, not just flow, but tone...mood. It snaps me out of the trance the first sentence begins and the third picks back up. I think maybe switching a few words, their places (or maybe just restructuring the beginning, since that's the most tripping part of it) would do.
But otherwise, you've done a fantastic job.
I'll be looking out for more from you...
-Max V
Wow! This is a really good poem. The rhyming is good and even until the end, and that makes it stand out more. Most of the lines are of the same length; I don't know if you dellibaratly made the sixth line a bit longer to make it stick out or not. I love the opening words:
We ripped the spines out of leaves
and stapled them to our backs.
It's a really nice metaphor.
Keep the good work up!
Take our bones.make us new!!!,even the title itself seems poetry enough,great job.For me,and for u.Your words grant hope.......LETS BEND AND NOT BREAK(magnificent!)...Just keep writing and fill our eyes with standerd 4D imagery as u have done with this.Hope i could bend and get things done and not break like a fouled egg,i know this is a prologue and the rest are coming your way,storming staight in your brain
Flawless
This is so short, but that's the beauty of it. I don't know what else to say but this: it's perfect. Really, there's nothing wrong with it at all. Amazing job
This reminds me of prophet Ezekiel's famous vision of the valley of dry bones that begin to converge and rise into new bodies at the breath of God. This was brilliant! Very haunting, with a desperate, yet hopeful tone. Keep up the great work.
This is lovely
Hi Hopeless03 here, just thought i say this is very good and i love how you posted it in the fall. This is very interesting to me and i love that about it, i wish there was more to it but at the same time it is just short enough for my liking. You have a talet for this stuff, you make it look so easy and i think thats cool. Any ways this was a great poem and i loved it.
-Keep writing!
Sara Belle
I really really really loved this. It was so simple and beautiful and profound. Since it's fall, I got the fall smell of leaves when you said leaves in my mind and that made this even more beautiful.
this was a really interesting visual. I'm not sure whether to be slightly disgusted that they're stapling things to themselves, or more in awe of the symbolism. The the third, fourth, sixth and seventh lines are absolutely *perfect.*The one teensy tiny thing that I'm not so sure of, is the fifth line. Who are you praying to? Who (or what) is "them?" Are you praying to the leaf-spines, because that's what it sounds like. And who (or what) are the disciples?
is it:
"we prayed to them like disciples would pray to them"
or
"we prayed to them as if they were disciples?"
I think maybe leaving the line as it is is still fine, because it adds an air of mystery to the poem, like maybe this isn't like our world. Maybe this is some alternate society where the culture is to make spines and bones out of flimsy things to become strong ourselves.
The title, the part about the disciples, and the two last lines kind of had a biblical-sounding quality to it. Even if that wasn't your intent, it still sounds REALLY cool.
I really liked this, as you can tell. Great job, keep writing!
~fortis
Pandabear7 here to do a review. It will be short probably lol.
Anyways, I like how it is so short and yet the title tells you it all. The first two sentences sound painful, wow getting the spines ripped. You are also really good at your writings just to let you know. I don't see any problems here, not even grammatical ones. Keep up the good work < 3
Lots of love,
Panda