When my mother tells her to shut up,
she listens.
I want to say that sometimes,
especially in this family,
mothers do not know best. .
It took me too long before I found my own voice,
hiding under years of "be seen,
not heard." My mother's is still lost,
back in the French Quarter, Louisiana,
where some man decided that her body
would function better under his control. .
The worm can not teach the bird to fly. .
My sisters sings songs
that she wrote all by herself.
When my mother tells her to shut up,
she listens. .
I guess I have lost my voice again,
or maybe never found it at all,
because we listen,
and this house is silent.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
Good day there Reise, the Fiend here to throw in my two cents.
Unlike dogsrule below me, I don't think you need to even out your stanzas as that would break the rhythmic emphasis effect you have set up. This is particularly evident in the third stanzas, where standard stanzas would ruin the effect totally.
What I think you could improve however is the line endings. For instance, I dislike how you have split the saying "be seen, not heard," between two lines. Although it would be fine were the line length shorter, here it merely impedes flow.
Other than that, this is a fine piece of poetry. It would certainly work well spoken, and (although I know it's irrelevant,) I like the serifed typeface. Overall I would say approximately 7.15 out of ten.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend.
This was really good. Good job on it.
Okay let's start with categories.
1. Grammar: Your grammar is really good.
2. Spelling: Your spelling was also really good.
3. Punctuation: This category was good too! Good job.
Hey I understand why your mom would want you little sister to shut up. That would get really old if all she did was talk and sing and whatever. If I was that mom, I would probably tell my kid to shut up!!! XD!
So anyway... Back to you and the review.
I thought this was a really good and pretty funny poem. There was one thing I did see that was wrong with this. Your stanzas have a different number of lines in each one. You should try to even out your stanzas, with as many lines in each stanza, or you could do without the stanzas, and just make it one long writing thing. So that's the only thing that I found wrong with this.
The point is I really enjoyed this, like really enjoyed it. I hope you keep up the good writing.
Love,
Dogsrule5
Hello, Reise.
Kanome here with a short review c:
This poem is actually pretty interesting to me.
Dangit, is this based on your life? D:
I hope not.. It's hard to review your best friend's poetry like that.
Well, anyways,
Are those periods meant to be there? I am just asking.
Did you mean sisters or sister?
I only asked because your title says "sister"..
Keep up the amazing work c: I can't wait to read more.
Timmy here for a quick review!
). But at the same time, music is beautiful. The sound of a child singing is beautiful... Unless its my sister, then I tell her to shut up and close the door behind her. Gosh, doesn't she know that I need to concentrate? 
I will be like a wraith, slipping past. All you will see will be my cloak--the bright orange cloth flashing past. And you will hear my insane laughter, filling the halls of silence. Or not. Perhaps I could just review.
I thought that this poem not only was beautiful and described very well the thoughts of a child, but also grasped some of the issues of being a child. No matter what you think, no matter how often or loudly you express your opinion, that doesn't change who you are. Because in the end of every discussion, you are still a child. You are still the one who must remain silent. And there is a reasoning to that. They say that there was a reason we were given two ears and one mouth, although some people say that I was given four ears and only half a mouth(I don't talk much.
The one thing that I loved in this poem was that it was a story. I loved, loved how it went along, the little examples just flowing along. You barely notice them, as you slip those examples in so perfectly, and it just seems to be yet another line. And then I looked at them closer, and realized what it meant.
Like this line:
I loved that line so much. Especially when you compared the man to a worm. Not only does it make me think of a lowly creature, but also one that has been thrust into the dirt, covered in the slime and filth. And the bird! That part told me that the bird didn't have to listen to the worm, but chose to. Because no matter how much a bird listens to the worm, no matter how long she succumbs it, only a small peck would be necessary to rid the world of that one, nasty worm. Excellent job with both that visual and that example.
For some reason, mother is in the possessive form? I wonder if you meant that on purpose, or if was merely an accident. Whatever the case, I believe that the way it is happens to be incorrect. I would suggest merely "mother"
This isn't really a nitpick--not really. But I am curious. What is so special about this place? I can kinda see why you did it in Louisiana, because it flowed really well with the poem, but why the "French Quarter". It almost sounds like a personal thing.
For me, the biggest nitpick and advice that I have to offer is the focus on the poem, which is totally scatterbrained and doesn't seem to find a focal point at all, flitting about at different people and things throughout. Her sister, yourself, your mother, the French Quarter--all of them could be the focus of the poem, and yet none of them are.
To me, the focal point should have been the sister more, especially since that was what both the focus seemed to start off on, and what the title implies. Although you are narrating the poem, I feel as though you aimed it in her direction, making her the main character of this beautiful story.
So if you ever felt like editing this poem, I would just suggest to figure out what your focus is, and remain there. Moving around not only distracts your reader, but also pulls them away from the story, because they have to consciously think about who is this about now?
But at the end, I just loved this poem. The idea, the voice behind the narrator--it all added to an unforgettable experience. Really. To tell you the truth, I usually don't click on a work unless it is written by a writer I know very well. And if I click on a work, its because it has a catchy title. And if I review a work, its because I really love it a lot. So you get the picture. I love this poem.
Anyhow, this review is probably rubbish and doesn't help much, but I hope you get something helpful out of its total randomness and confusion.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hi ReisePiecey, Sherri here for a review. I really love this poem
You did such a great job. You packed a lot of power into this! I enjoyed the idea behind it, and read it several times to get the full effect. Sometimes it bugs me when poetry doesn't rhyme (since I rhyme so much myself) but I didn't even notice here. 
I only noticed one thing, and that was "My sisters sings songs ; that she wrote all by herself." You say "sisters" as in plural, then use "she" as in singular. That was the only awkward part to read.
Again, amazing job on this! Can't wait to see what else you come out with. Congratulations on literary spotlight as well
Yeah, I know. I tried to edit it out but the edit function is being difficult. xD
hi there,i'm here for a review
first of all i would like to say that i really like your work,especially this one
i liked some lines like
"
When my mother tells her to shut up,
she listens."
"because we listen,
and this house is silent."
"mothers do not know best."
i liked almost all of it,except this one
"The worm can not teach the bird to fly."
i think it would be better without it,well just my opinion
thank you and keep writting
Um, I can't fix the periods in between each stanza. Sorry.
No worries. I think it looks cool!