She jumped into her bed at night with fears
For creatures scratched and clawed their way to her
the monsters kept her up and caused her tears
they scared her sensless till she would deter.
The ghastly ghosts would shake and rattle doors
The fiends contiuned ripping at her seams.
The goblins wouldn't drop her unused drawers.
until she told them "Stop! You're just my dreams."
"Let me be!" she called into the madness.
No one listened, nothing even halted.
She went back to sleep in utter sadness
Her eyes were tired; she was not exhalted
A pitter patter on the roof; it rained.
And when she woke no wicked haunts remained.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,552 Literary Works • 673,423 Reviews
Thanks =] but It's much better than it was before, due to everyone helping me out. It was a DISASTER! You should have seen it!
Nice poem. I really didn't think there was any problem. You did a good job.
No, problem! I think it turned out nicely.
*swallows pride and uses mad's suggestions.*
Thanks, though. I got full points on it! I'm glad I put it through here first, you guys really helped me get my act together.
Um, okay, could I just give you a few suggestions on this poem? On the rhyming? To be completely honest I didn't think the rhyming was all that good. I might reccomend somehow changing tears to tear in the first stanza? And if you were trying to rhyme any of these pairs, they need some work; her and unnerved, halted and daunted, madness and notheless. The second stanza was certainly the best one.
I'm just trying to give you an honest opinion, and some advice.
Good luck with your project!
Thank you, but I can't take other people's work. I have a thing with that. =/ I was looking for other people's suggestions and thoughts as to how they would finish it.
Your welcome to use them if you want
ohohoh me gusta! but I can't use it, as it's your own lines.
A pitter patter on the roof; it rained,
And when she woke no horrid fiends remained.
Hows that?