Young Writers Society

It won't let me modify! The stupid screen keeps skipping. Well, thanks so much. I deleted that post informing you I was going for a nap, as it was pointless.... *hehe*

So I looked through everything you said. It looked like a ton at first, but then I just noticed it was all from the beginning, which made it a lot easier. You have an extremely true point: I suck at remembering to explain stuff. hah. I changed it around, and I took all of your suggestions.

*Panic! at the Disco seems to be great music for editing...*

Anyway, I pretty much died when I looked at it all and all your corrections. This was DEFINITELY not written at night. lol. Thanks for going through it and not just saying "You don't explain it enough." Never have I had a more faithful reader. XD

~Roya

*sniffles* Myles is dead!

My poor Myles. I could rant this entire post about how sad I am Myles died, but somehow I don't think that would help you. Despite Myles's death this was well-written, and you did a masterful job of writing his death scene. Just a few things to point out...

Myles and I started after the direction Addo had run off to. I carefully planned the way this conversation would be guided as we went, making simple, short answer statements to fill the time.

"You know, Myles, earlier you called me Alex," I remembered, making pointless statements to fill the silence so I could bide my time.

"Your name is too long," he chuckled. "It's pretty, but it doesn't work in emergency situations." I laughed too, but only half hearted. He was perfectly honest about silly things like this, but would he lie to me about other things?

"... What do you want me to answer truthfully?" he asked. Or he was just going to avoid the question all together. He knew exactly what I was picking at and now there was no way I was going to just drop the topic.

"If I tell you, I'd have to kill you," he teased, slapping on a serious expression for a few moments before we both cracked up from suppressed laughter. We always joked about the CIA, never thinking we would have to be serious about it. I loved how childish we could be and how easily giggles came between us. "Anyway, I don't think I know anything more than you do."

Which way? You're a Grand Bithol, are you not? Coal reminded me from a few steps ahead. My hand leaped to my pocket and pulled out my little hand mirror. I didn't have any instruction on how to see anything, since the Grand Bithol of Syradrum herself had just stormed off in the opposite direction, expecting us to chase after her like a couple of lost puppies.

Her arms were crossed and he looked as if he was almost begging her. I heard nothing at first, but the sound started to slowly fade in.

"What were you thinking?" she asked him in a hushed tone. "Let's go and make friends with the Aave!" she mocked him. "Did you really think you would be able to get him to change his mind if you 'sided' with him?"

Addo seemed to silently explode before answering her. "I'm doing everything I can to keep the inevitable from happening! He's already dead, we just have to keep him walking long enough to get this over with. If we can get Myles out of the deal, we might be able to work it out," he reasoned. "Otherwise, Alex is going to die." I gasped and Alli's eyes flicked towards me. She could see and hear me, even through the mirror.

"Addo, she's watching us," she said expressionlessly, without braking her gaze. He looked up at me, but then back at her like he hadn't seen what she had seen.

"Great..." he sighed, walking away. Alli didn't break her gaze from me, but Myles eventually tapped on my shoulder and shifted my concentration back to my current location, losing the image.

"Alex, what are you doing?" he asked. "This is no time to be admiring your reflection." I shook my head and was about to explain to him when Addo appeared at the end of the hall.

"Let's go. Enough of this, we have to get to Syradrum before they close the gates," he declared, "and the Aave won't be merciful if he finds us together."

"What about Lizzy?" I asked, remembering the little girl he had worried about. Addo shook his head and continued leading us off the ship, out of harms way.

"She's safer here. Wait, how did you know about her?" he asked, whirring around just as Alli came grudgingly from around the corner. She put her hands on her knees to try and catch her breath from running to keep up with Addo.

Everything happened at once: Myles grabbed my wrist and pulled me away, Alli grabbed Addo's shoulder, hoping to keep him from attacking, and Addo himself threw out his hand which was currently engulfed in flames at the Aave, who had appeared behind Alli.

Shouts and threats disappeared behind us, but he gripped my arm too hard to be able to resist. His legs started to buckle underneath him as we started getting closer to the exit.

"Come on, Myles. You can make it," I encouraged him, afraid that he might be hurt and pass out when we were so close to escaping. He stumbled some more and we started going slower, the noise reducing to a slight patter of rain. Merely steps away, he collapsed on the hard metal ground. I tried to catch him, but I only succeeded at slowing his decent. "Myles! Talk to me," I ordered. He winced and grabbed my hand.

"Alex, I'm already dead," he managed to say through gritted teeth. "I already agreed to it." He drew in a sharp breath and he squeezed my hand before uttering, "I'll always be your brother." All the color drained from his face, his hands were clammy, and his eyes focused in and out. His spirit slowly faded till I was left alone in the world.