Young Writers Society

when did we get in the forest? XD
-addo explaining bithols i too abrupt. since obviously they are very important, you should describe the scene in which he begins explaining them, and have him stop and show her spells. starting doing spells while they are walking doesnt seem to make a lot of sense.
-green eyes just like the great bithol dude? i think addo is harry potter...and bithol dude [i changed it from whatshisname] is voldyyyy. oh. that wasn't a correction. i just wanted to say that...
-is syradrum floating in the sky? clarify.

"So," he said shortly.

"So what?" I snapped back at him.

He simply melted through the bark and melted back through the other side.

For the half-whispered, half-ordered thing? Well, I'm sure I don't hear Addo's voice the way you do, so I can't think of anything off the top of my head. I'll PM you if I do. Remember, all the word choice things are suggestions. If you honestly believe that 'half-whispered, half-ordered' is the best way to describe Addo's voice, then you should stick with it. Twas just an idea.

Character impressions! My favorite part!

Alexandria: well, she has nightmares and those symbolize something within the story, something that is important to the plot. She trusts her brother wholeheartedly and loves her family. Likes to be called Alex. She is not quite sure what to think of Addo; he gets on her nerves sometimes with his secrecy and she's a bit nervous, but she seems to be beginning to trust him. Despite the danger around her, she does see beauty in Syradrum.

Addo: I love Addo. He is obviously involved in something major to the plot, and he was sent to find Alex. He seems like a pretty nice guy all in all and even though he can be secretive, he can be manipulated into telling some of those secrets. Obviously likes Syradrum.

Myles: Whee, Myles is fun. He's a good friend to Alex and sympathizes with her about her nightmares. I hope he shows up again.

Great story you have going here.

Ahhh! Those places where there could be a better word are so hard to fix! I sat at my desk staring at the computer screen and listening to music for ten minutes and I couldn't think of anything but whispered with authority! If you can think of a word, please pm me! lol.

I'm going to wait another few days before I post the next chapter, although I have it typed up and ready to go on my computer. I want to make sure that it'll be written correctly when I do post it because I might be changing things in earlier chapters. I like to think that I'm consistant. =]

Okay, I had way too much fun reading this. I ended up reading it aloud and it was a blast - your style flows so well.

I

ran for my life until my lungs were completely wiped out and I stumbled on my own feet. Swaying on the spot, I almost fell, but Addo put his arms around me to keep me from dropping to my knees. "I have to carry you again. Don't squirm," he said. He picked me up nimbly and started off faster than I had in the first place. He acted as if he had just picked up a four year old child instead of a fifteen year old teenager.

Lying in his arms, I regained my energy and my senses became more sharp and alert to the presence of trauntler.

"You don't enjoy being carried? I would," I shrugged. He still had me in his arms, and it was beginning to get less than comical. When he saw my expression turn vicious, he lowered me to the forest floor.

"Nows a great time to start learning, then!" he replied.

As we traveled farther into the empty forest, he told me about all the kinds of bithols there were and everything of anything he knew

"Why exactly do you need me?" I asked. My head hurt and

"Just get in. You'll understand in a minute," Addo said and helped lower me down into the little stow-away. He climbed in after me and shut the top, making it officially closed in.