Young Writers Society

Yuh, this is good! I think you did the (dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun) foreshadowing just fine. Stands to reason that it can't stay perfect.

Royboy wrote:With her chores done and permission to sit outside and read, Evie ignored the taunts of Anna...

Roya wrote:"It's beautiful," Evie muttered, fingering the edges.

Ah, one sentence like the one you added is enough. As long as you have some kind of hook, it makes it better.

Hope that helps,
Tony

Is a single sentence of forshadowing enough, or do I have to rewrite this? If it's only one chapter that's like this, will it really make that big of a difference? I added another sentence, if that will make a difference. Check the very end.

~Roya

I would suggest at least hinting at a conlfict in this...just to keep the reader interested.

Yeah, I appologize. Hehe. It gets not-so-perfect in a bit, but I just wanted to show how it was an ideal life with a loving family and everything. Will you excuse me this once? *grins*

~Roya

And here is where it starts to get funky for me. I don't know what it's like to be sixteen, and I don't know what a happy family is like, my parents having divorced when I was eight.