Oh come along with me and bring your kite.
We'll tag the clouds with looping play in flight.
We'll fly at dusk and with receding light
'till stars will twinkle in the purple night.
Then in the looming woods let us unite.
We'll build a fort of tree limbs strong and slight.
Then maybe sounds will lure us to a fright
We'll laugh until we think we feel alright
The cricket's tales will happily excite
imaginations so that we delight
in every creepy sound and spooky sight.
'Till morning's sun will shine on us so bright.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review!
So, Iambic Pentameter, huh? Well, let's see how you did.
...
Hmm, well, the only word that didn't fit into the pattern was "imaginations". Now, you can force read it into iambic pentameter, but the stressed syllable is one beat off, so it throws that line. Honestly you were going really strong up until that one line, and the rest of the poem is fine too, so I'd suggest really focusing on that line. Just because syllables fit doesn't mean the word fits. With the iambic pentameter, it's unstressed, stressed, unstressed, stressed,..., for the entire line. So "our" is the unstressed, but then the first part of imagination is also unstressed, and it was just a really hard jolt. The rhythm was there, but then with two unstressed back to back, it dropped the ball. And I have no good suggestions for substitutions. This is something you're going to have to dig for yourself.
Hope this helps!
And this is exactly why I posted this! I didn't even notice that, and you are absolutely right. It does not fit. What if I changed those lines to:
The cricket's tales will happily excite
imaginations so that we delight
in every creepy sound and spooky sight.
?
Sound better?
I think that would work. It flowed okay.
Knight Malachi here to review for the KotGR
So number one thing I have to say is that when I saw every line rhymed my mouth went :OOOO I was glad to see a rhyming poem, because for the most part there haven't been any on here in a while. Now onto the poem.
Now this line has no punctuation, but I'm pretty sure it needs a period.
Then in the looming woods let us unite
I saw nothing else out of the ordinary, so good job with that.
I'm not sure what the iambic pentameter is, or what it has to do with the poem, but the poem was still good.
Keep it up!
Thanks! It actually had more stanzas, but I realized by then I was getting off topic just to force the rhyme. And you're right, that does need a period. Thank you for your review!