You cut yourself
on the walls of the chapel
in hopes to make your blood holy.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey there!
I'm really liking this poem. It's short, simple, and to the point.
I think my nitpicks are personal preferences, but I'll give 'em anyway.
Upon a second reading of this poem, I became confused. What do you mean by cutting oneself "on the walls of the chapel". I'm not quite sure how that would work out, physically. My best guess is that you mean to say that we are cutting ourselves and allowing the blood to smear against the walls of the chapel, but the message isn't all the clear at first.
Second, "in hopes to make" is somewhat of an awkward choice of wording. Generally, I think "of making" would work more and keep the flow of the poem going. This criticism isn't to say I didn't like you poem; I did say right off the bat that I did. I think you did a wonderful job with this. The ideas you've brought together -self harm and the Church -create intriguing imagery in my head and your overall message is good food for thought. Keep up the good work!
I was inspired to write this poem after scraping my hand (softly) on the brick wall of my chapel. If one was to do that hard enough, you could definitely draw blood. And I put "In hopes to make" because honestly, just because your blood is on a building where holy services take place does not mean that you become holy in the least. Saying "making" would mean that they actually succeeded in becoming holy. Thanks for your review though, and I'm glad you went that deep into my poem. It means a lot.
Whoa, this is deep! I am not sure what the meaning is behind this poem. However, this poem reached out to me. This is because I used to cut myself, and the reason I cut myself because it gave me a false sense of control. Anyways, this poem reminds me how important your body is, and how it should be treated like a temple. Very good job. Keep writing, Shalie
i honestly like it ....its meaningful simple and Expressive
Hey hopeless03 here to give a review.
Wow this... This right here speaks for a lot. Just this little bit says so much, this is really good. I don't know how to put what I'm thinking about it down on to here. How did you come up with this? It's so loud yet so small, you really do have a great mind to say something like this is such little words. I just don't know what to say...
Keep writing and stay beautiful...
Wow!
I really liked this! I don't usually read poetry but this is perfect!
Now let me explain why. One word: Simple. You use every word to its fullest. The poem wouldn't be the same without any of those words. You essentially milk every word for everything it's got. This is so simple and speaks so clearly that basically anyone able to feel emotion can identity. For me, I felt memories, which evoked a sense of regret and thankfulness. (Long story)
I'm kind of betting that you didn't expect this to make such a strong impact, but I would be willing to say that this is one poem that is perfect the way it is. To change one word in it would be to change everything.
Keep doing these! You have a gift!
Blessings!
hello bee here and this is your review!
firstly, is this some sort of haiku? it could pass as one. few words with a lot of meaning and i don't think any other length would be better. when i first saw the title, i was caught up in it. you did convey as much emotion as you hoped to convey but you didn't hold me captive for long. it was short, yes, but meaningful. reason, religious, skeptical, all over, i liked it!
keep up the good work!
*hugs*
Bunie
Strong critique in such a short poem.
Hi! CrystalPony21 here to review your work! Okay: So here's what I thought of it.
So I'm guessing that the thing is your trying to bless yourself and it isn't working. All it does is bloodstains the church, its really short but I think I kind of get it. Maybe you could make it a little shorter and more meaningful. Good grammar, spelling too but it was so short I didn't get any emotion from it. Otherwise it was a great poem, well worded and all that jazz, keep writing! Best wishes! ^^
~CrystalPony21