********
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
So. The unreliable Green Room keeps sorting this poem to the bottom of the list. It might be a sign that I should prioritise it xd
Oh I find this immediately interesting:
The rhyme is very nice and I like the idea that no matter what we do god isn’t required to listen.
And this line is the prelude to sadness, I’m bracing myself: “Despite his promise, I could hardly fathom”
“Oh God, what would these monsters do?” Oh if this is abt WW2, I have some ideas! I actually read the memoir of a Black fighter pilot who was held as POW in Germany (Red Tail Captured, Red Tail Freed is the name in case anyone’s interested) and it was mostly just… well, they were treated ok but there was barely any food :/ Red Cross was allowed to visit a few times or sent rations and take letters home etc
Oh in one of the stanzas you repeat “starved” twice. And well, guess there is a difference in how foot soldiers and officers were treated. Remember the red tail pilot was actually an officer, like most fighter pilots. Ah what a sad thing ☹
Nooo…. Why did he die after he went home and was… maybe getting better? ☹ At least he got to see the family again ☹
Actually I just assumed what war it was since you mentioned italy. Thanks for sharing the story!
Omg, hi Tika!! Yeah the war is WWII, my grandpa was stationed in Italy, taken as a POW, and then was liberated and got home on medical discharge%u2014only to pass away the same night from heart failure. Tbh, I looking back, I was shocked my grandma told the story as eloquently as she did
<33
also, I will have to check out that story, it sounds fascinating!
Thank you so much for your review!
Your poem is truly beautiful, full of heart and soul. Your Great-grandmother was a strong and graceful woman. your great-grandfather survived so much. and through it all, they never gave up and never stopped loving one another.
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your comment!
<3
I feel like this is a very good poem for Veterans Day. There were just so many very good lines and elements that I loved in this poem so let me get right to it.
''But the day came for change
When he slung the rifle
Despite his promise, I could hardly fathom
I may not see him return''
That's the reality of those whose family members go off to war. I haven't had anyone in my family go off to war and never come back, but I can only imagine how some may feel. The overwhelming anxiety of not having your dad or mom come back must be so heartbreaking.
''They sent him to march
Day and night, hours without end
No mercy, no lenience
A march of doom, a waltz with death
Troops starved and exhausted
Friends were shot, starved, or frozen over
The Devil had taken the reins
To drive those condemned souls to death''
I can't imagine how war is like. So many people have been to war, and when some of the lucky ones do come back, the effects are war are evident. Many who come back from war have either PTSD, or some other disorder.
''That night, he was taken
His body sent to the grave
His soul sent to the heavens
While I was still trapped here
I wept and cried for days on end
This truly was the cruelest trick of fate
How had he survived a raging battlefield?
Only to be claimed by a damaged heart?''
And then there is that crushing despair when you come to realize that the person you loved so much is the world has now died. I liked how you used the words, ''While I was still trapped here''. That just highlights how you can't even go to the one you love so much while they are in heaven.
Overall, this is such a beautiful poem, and I praise your grandparents for their acts of service.
Thakn you so much for your lovely review, I really appreciate it!! And I'm so glad you were able to enjoy the poem!
<33
I feel like this is a very good poem for Veterans Day. There were just so many very good lines and elements that I loved in this poem so let me get right to it.
''But the day came for change
When he slung the rifle
Despite his promise, I could hardly fathom
I may not see him return''
That's the reality of those whose family members go off to war. I haven't had anyone in my family go off to war and never come back, but I can only imagine how some may feel. The overwhelming anxiety of not having your dad or mom come back must be so heartbreaking.
''They sent him to march
Day and night, hours without end
No mercy, no lenience
A march of doom, a waltz with death
Troops starved and exhausted
Friends were shot, starved, or frozen over
The Devil had taken the reins
To drive those condemned souls to death''
I can't imagine how war is like. So many people have been to war, and when some of the lucky ones do come back, the effects are war are evident. Many who come back from war have either PTSD, or some other disorder.
''That night, he was taken
His body sent to the grave
His soul sent to the heavens
While I was still trapped here
I wept and cried for days on end
This truly was the cruelest trick of fate
How had he survived a raging battlefield?
Only to be claimed by a damaged heart?''
And then there is that crushing despair when you come to realize that the person you loved so much is the world has now died. I liked how you used the words, ''While I was still trapped here''. That just highlights how you can't even go to the one you love so much while they are in heaven.
Overall, this is such a beautiful poem, and I praise your grandparents for their acts of service.