There was a young woman from Spain
It was true she was pretty and vain
To be realistic
She was narcissistic
From her toes to her flowing brown mane
She loved to go walk in the heat
When she passed a young man on the street
He was suddenly taken
His heart was awakened
He felt his whole life was complete
He approached her with caution and charm
To show her he meant her no harm
To his dismay
She looked away
Dismissed, with a wave of her arm
He hadn’t yet given up hope
For an answer he wouldn’t take “nope”
He tried to woo her
He painted and drew her
With neglect he soon learned to cope
For she did not glance from her mirror
She thought she could not be clearer
Her one true love
Or her lack thereof
Was herself, and nobody nearer
He was blinded by his own affection
For her persona and her complexion
Yet he did not give in
He was so driven
He knew that they had a connection
He bought her the nicest of things
Perfumes, dresses, and rings
She remained cool
She thought him a fool
She was a queen who did not need a king
Then one day she sat by his side
She thought of herself and her pride
It put in perspective
Her actions rejective
She considered not being so snide
All he had done was be kind
And handsome, and smart, and refined
She thought her eyes
Had no room for guys
For herself they always did find
She hugged him close and then she said
“My dear, for me you have bled.
So much sacrificed,
And I wasn’t that nice!
So tomorrow we both shall be wed.”
The two learned significant truths
She should not live without ruth
He found that beauty
Was much more than booty
And they loved in the bliss of their youth
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
WAIT how does this only have two likes?? I'd have thought it'd have been in the Literary Spotlight for sure!! I super enjoyed reading this poem, especially the first stanza-- it just rhymes so well and I keep on re-reading it because the rhythm is so nice XDD This is great! ^^
Awww thanks spearmint, you're so kind!! This comment made my day.
Hello, Euphoria here! Happy review day!
This was a delight to read! I was quite impressed by how you had kept up with the rhyme scheme so well throughout the poem, every word flowed one after another perfectly! The story itself is one I enjoyed reading too- although I was worried this relationship between them would become toxic, I'm glad it was ended with a happy ending instead!- with character development for both parties.
I quite like the word choice in this poem as well- not quite formal but not totally informal as well, and the gestures and phrases were expressive- "awakened" "approached her with caution and charm" "dismissed, with a wave of her arm"
Some suggestions would be:
This stanza didn't flow as well as the others did, so it'd be nice if you could make some changes to it.
I think this was a weak opening line- I would suggest opening with a line that alludes to her beauty more expressively- or any line that would just provide the reader with a reason they should keep reading.
Anyway, that was my review! Thanks for sharing and keep growing <3
Thanks for your review!!
Hey!
I haven't read a limerick in a really long time. I thought you did a really nice job! The story was funny, and it kept me intrigued. I really enjoyed reading it! ^^
My favourite lines had to be "For she did not glance from her mirror/ She thought she could not be clearer/ Her one true love/ Or her lack thereof/ Was herself, and nobody nearer" I thought it was clever and funny.
I too thought it didn't flow that well in some places, but it's mentioned in another review, so I won't repeat.
I don't have anything else to say about it other than I really enjoyed it! Keep writing
Hello silverquill12!
I love this poem. It's entertaining, the rhyming is consistent and natural, the flow is good, and there's even a message that can be learned from it.
Having said that, below are some grammar and wording nitpicks. After the nitpicks I'll give you my general thoughts.
General Thoughts
1. This poem is very humourous, and the rhyming helps convey the lighthearted mood nicely. More or less all of your rhymes were natural, so good job! That's very hard to achieve.
2. Just a couple of places where you could make it flow a bit better, but the majority of your poem flows nicely and is easy to say aloud.
3. Your plot is well thought out (even if the whole marriage thing is a little abrupt), and your message is conveyed clearly.
4. The only thing you could consider adding is more imagery, however that may just not be the style you're going for in this poem.
All in all, a really neat poem that is very well written and humorous! Good job!
I hope you found this review was helpful!
Keep writing!
Whatchamcallit
I started to think this was about what your disclaimer told about, but than I realized. Limericks are one of my favorite poetry types, so I have standards. This piece was to the point and still entertaining.
They are separated in a alright fashion. The organization of the first few could have been improved.
~S.M.Locke~