The Moon

Hey MapleWay! Your username's making me want pancakes T~T I was looking through the tabs and I was already taken away with your title! So I thought I'd leave a review >~<

I love the reference (I think its a reference of man on the moon?) It really reminds me of the man on the moon and looking at the telescope at night with your family checking out stars and planets!

The more I read into it and try to understand, it reminds me of celebrities that have their own problems yet show their greatness to not worry their viewers. A lot of people on the spotlight, (as if the sun that the moon is reflecting is the spotlight) makes the celebrities try and show how great and inspiring they are. The moon is the same in so many ways. I remember how I learned about the moon in class and how many great unknown secrets it held that I never knew. I think, for me, that this poem means that we shouldn't be scared to show our real selves and be happy and shine the way we wanna shine.

I absolutely loved and adored your poem! Keep writing!

Love lots~~<3 vanilla

Hi there MapleWay! I was poking through the poetry tab and found this cute little poem of yours and thought I'd stop by with a quick review ^^

(Apologies in advance for any typos in this review - autocorrect on my phone is a fickle beast haha xD)

Imagery - you've got some really lovely images in such a short poem! I especially like the description of a "luminous white orb with a black cloak". That definitely helps to set a tone of mystery and intrigue, I think c:

Word choice - another thing I enjoyed was the sound device you used having "moon" and "man" at the end of two consecutive lines. It comes across almost as a slant rhyme and contributes to some nice flow.

One thought I have about your diction is you use the word "it" a lot - this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn't add much to the poem and becomes a tad repetitive. Moreover, because you use "it" to refer to two different things in one line (the moon and a black cloak), it also get's a bit confusing. Maybe take a look at the wording there and see if you can add more variety / specifity!

Punctuation - one last thing I wanted to take a short look at is punctuation throughout the poem! Right now you have all the lines ending with a comma (except for the last one), when in fact, a lot of them are actually unnecessary and disrupt the flow! In other places, a different type of punctuation might make more sense. For example at the end of the second line, I'd suggest a "-" or ";" rather than a comma. Conversely, I'd suggest a period rather than a comma at the end of line three.

Overall - All in all, I thought this was a short and sweet little poem about the moon! You've got some nice images and devices at use, and my main suggestions would be to take a look at some of the word choice and punctuation. I hope this helps, and if you've got any questions about anything I brought up feel free to ask!

Keep writing :)

whatcha

I loved reading this, it flowed so nicely.

Cool poem.

Good job with this poem! I know a lot of people who fit this description, including myself. We want to hide the bad parts of ourselves and show the great parts. I love that you brought personality to something that most people just think of as "the glowing white rock in the night sky." My one critique is that I think you could say "I see more than a luminous white orb / I see a man with a black cloak" to fit in with the personification of the rest of the poem. Great job! I can't wait to read the rest of your writings!

Hello. ForeverYoung299 here for a review.
I don't know if it would be long enough to be a review or not, but I will try.

The moon–I don't know if you kept this short intentionally or not but if unintentionally, then you can add more details to it. I think it's handwritten. You have a good handwriting, mine is far from apprehensible. You did a good job conveying a very simple thing in a poetic way. But... What's the significance of the second line? I didn't get that. Pls make me understand. Other than that, it was a nice read.
Great work. Keep writing.

Bye!!!!

–ForeverYoung299

I see the words The Moon, and I'm like: "Your definitely reading it, lunar."