z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Five Ways of Looking at the Wind

by MapleWay


I

A gentle wind,

Among the trees,

Causing speckled leaves to tumble.

They brush my face,

Such a soothing graze,

That puts my soul at peace.

II

Fierce as a tiger

Sharp as a blade.

I fight the wind with my jacket

As I try and make it to the mailbox.

And after what seems like an eternity.

I win.

III

The windmill whirls

From the gusty breeze.

It turns ‘round and ‘round

With the wind as its fuel.

Churning.

Turning.

IV

It plays like a flute,

Made by mother nature herself.

Wind.

Oh, the symphony it makes.

Pure, Natural, Joy.

V

Screams for help

Flood my ears with sorrows.

I wish to help,

But can’t look back.

It is too late.

How could this giant swirl of wind do so much damage?

How could it take so many lives?

So many souls,

So many dreams.


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465 Reviews


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Mon Mar 29, 2021 8:14 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! ^_^ I'd love to leave a review on this piece of yours <3

I think this poem is my favoutite so far of the ones you have written! I love how you took five different perspectives on the wind; each one was a unique take, which made this fun, enjoyable, and exciting - it kept me wondering what perspective was going to come next. I enjoyed seeing the differing personalities of wind and the many things it brings to the table. The tone of each part is also quite distinguishable, which makes the piece even more striking. Overall, I really enjoyed this!! c: I'm going to give you more specific thoughts on each section ^_^

A gentle wind,

Among the trees,

Causing speckled leaves to tumble.

They brush my face,

Such a soothing graze,

That puts my soul at peace.


I can definitely feel the gentleness of the wind, because your word choice greatly contributes to that feeling - words like "tumble" "soothing" "brush" and "peace" really support your view of wind in this stanza. I also think the imagery is pretty sweet - I love speckled leaves c: that's such a neat phrase.

for "they brush my face" -> are you talking about the leaves brushing you or the wind?

1.) if you're talking about the wind, I think it should be singular, as "wind" in the first line is singular

2.) if you're talking about the leaves, it seems like the leaves put your soul at peace more than the wind. that's totally fine if that's the interpretation you want!! c: I just wanted to mention that in case you wanted the reader to think that the wind puts your soul at peace, not the leaves. just a thought for you! ^_^

Fierce as a tiger

Sharp as a blade.

I fight the wind with my jacket

As I try and make it to the mailbox.

And after what seems like an eternity.

I win.


This stanza is super fun. It's a vastly different take than your first stanza - we went from gentleness to fierceness, which is awesome! c: I love how this also talks about something as simple as getting to the mailbox - it dramatizes the "adventure", making it seem like a long and tough journey, and I think that was something fun that worked for me :D

I also like your similes here - to compare wind to a tiger is unexpected, and that's what makes it really work!

The windmill whirls

From the gusty breeze.

It turns ‘round and ‘round

With the wind as its fuel.

Churning.

Turning.


I love the playful words you used here! They work so perfectly with the windmill description - churning, turning, and the 'round and 'round part made this stanza seem so playful! And it also really works with windmills, because that is what they are doing, turning and stuff xD I just super enjoyed how this stanza had a bit of playfulness in it c:

It plays like a flute,

Made by mother nature herself.

Wind.

Oh, the symphony it makes.

Pure, Natural, Joy.


Ooh, I think it would be fun to use some more descriptive words to describe the symphony! I think pure, natural, and joy are pretty accurate words! You could do something ~fancier~ perhaps? xD This is just a suggestion though, so you don't have to!! I was thinking words like "melodic" or "mellifluous "? Up to you though!! ^_^

Screams for help

Flood my ears with sorrows.

I wish to help,

But can’t look back.

It is too late.

How could this giant swirl of wind do so much damage?

How could it take so many lives?

So many souls,

So many dreams.


I think this was a good choice to end on this stanza. This one was dramatic, impactful, and sad >.< I like the use of the verb "floods" here. I also like the questions and surprise the speaker goes through here - how something seemingly so gentle caused so much destruction. It was a huge change from your last stanza, and I think that's what makes this stanza even more heartbreaking. It was a dramatic ending, and I think it worked pretty nicely <3

And that's all I got for you! I hope these comments will prove useful to you in some way ^_^ I seriously enjoyed reading this, I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped!




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Mon Mar 29, 2021 12:33 pm
SummerBlues wrote a review...



Hi there! Just came across your poem and thought I would leave a quick review here!

I really like the rhythm of your poem when I read it aloud, nothing too redundant yet evocative enough to stir sentiments. I especially like the last two lines, it sounds like a long sigh let out by a weary person. One thing I would suggest though, is that maybe you can avoid the cliche of "fierce as a tiger/ sharp as a blade" in order to create something more memorable and unique to your poem. Great writing though, please keep it up!! :D




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review! :D



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Sun Mar 28, 2021 3:16 am
mordax wrote a review...



Wow! I loved this poem, wonderful job. I love how you managed to capture all of these different feelings and winds that I could visualize so well.

The V section was beautiful, but if I'm being honest, I was a bit less engaged. For the previous parts, I could feel, hear, and even smell the winds you were describing. For this section, however, I was wondering: Is it metaphorical? A tsunami? A tornado? It didn't have the same level of imagery your other sections had, and perhaps this was intentional, but if not, I would describe this wind better. How it destroys, stings, blusters, etc.

Besides this, I loved this poem. I do wonder, though, for the line "Pure, Natural, Joy.", were the consistent capitalizations intentional, and what was your purpose for doing so? And I find it interesting you have a comma after every word, separating natural/pure from joy, rather than the two being a descriptor of said "joy"

Wonderful poem!

mordax




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review! I'll take a look and change a couple of these later!



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Sat Mar 27, 2021 9:47 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello. First of all, your school is a great school I would say. Your school gives students good works to do.

Now, coming to the review. It was an awesome one and congrats on the literary spotlight. You deserve it. You thought of a topic which generally people doesn't focus on. You are a poet viewer. I liked how you wrote such a good poem on a very simple topic. You described five types of winds– their advantages and disadvantages. Also, I liked how you included your feelings. You deftly wrote it. This is one of my favourite amongst the poems of yours. Keep it up!!!

— ForeverYoung299




MapleWay says...


Thanks! I'm glad you like it!





No problem



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Fri Mar 26, 2021 10:00 pm
RennisanceBlade says...



Wow! This is a really good poem. The rhythm is pretty good, giving it an easy to follow pattern. You also don't repeat too many words, making it just the right amount of wordy without it seeming as if you're trying to drown us. I'd say just polish up the wording, then it will be perfect! Thanks for allowing us to review your work!




MapleWay says...


Thanks for the review!





You're welcome!




The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
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