Resist!
Resist the temptation,
Though now it might be good,
Later.
Not so much,
You know you shouldn’t,
So don’t,
Resist the temptation.
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Its a nice poem and a short one. I bet it is challenging, but I got one problem with it and that's why I'm here for the review.
The lines are good but are inappropriate as they seem to contradict each point, more especially the fourth line.
If I may be permitted to analyze your work, I would say that temptation isn't something to can resist.
You can only resist the tempter and not the temptation. All you do is overcome it. Whatever life presents cannot be resisted because that's life for you, you could only do away with it.
Thanks for the review!
First off, it's a bit late, but welcome to YWS! Secondly, I love how simple this poem is and effective. It's vague enough that someone could reasonably apply it to several situations and it still fit perfectly. It's not too vague though, as if you weren't writing from personal emotions.
So since it's so short there's not much for me to critique from (though I would love a second verse if you decided to add onto it). The only thing I'd point out is punctuation. This is not to say you need to make it grammatically correct, because poetry allows the author to express emotions through even the smallest details, including punctuation (or lack thereof). A period can give a completely different feeling than a comma.
That being said:
I do have a few things that it might be interesting for you to play with in regards to punctuation. You can keep them the same or change them, but my main job as a reviewer is to challenge you and ask you the big questions-- not only 'should you change this?' but 'why did you make this decision in the first place?' It is not to say those decisions are wrong, but questioning your own decisions will help you decide what it completely right for you and your piece.
I know you're probably thinking: did they just quote my ENTIRE POEM?
The answer is yes, yes I did.I tried to narrow it down to a particular part but your poem is so short I can't exactly divide it into chunks that I tackle one at a time.The main thing I want to challenge you on in your poem is your use of commas-- why you chose them, and if, upon being replaced by a period, dash, semicolon, or colon, the piece would change. That is to say, what about your piece would be different if you replaced one of your commas with another form of punctuation. I'd recommend going through with each comma and thinking it through. Ask yourself, "If I changed this comma to a period, how would it affect the piece? Would it feel different? Would this beat feel too long? Maybe it feels too short now. How do I feel about that?" And once you discover the differences, you can begin to compare them and choose if you want to change the comma to something else or keep it.
I'll give you an example:
Say you change the very first comma to an exclamation point. You'll see that below I've copied both versions. Even though it's a very small change, you'll likely feel a difference reading through it. Then you decide if that difference was good or bad. Of course you're also free to go through and substitute something else, like a dash, a period, or a colon, and you're also free to leave the poem as it is if you feel it is right for the message you're trying to put forth.
This feels much more forward and direct, like the author is telling the reader what to do versus carrying forward a message about what they think the reader should do. Now compare it to the original:
The difference is minuscule but it does end up making a difference.
...So yeah! That is really all I have to offer up as advice. I'm not much of a poetry person myself, since I dabble more in fictional writing than poetry, though I do enjoy cranking out a poem if the mood happens to strike. As the author, you should always know that you know what's best for your piece, and if a piece of advice doesn't sit right, you are never obligated to take it! But my main "criticism"
if it could even be called thatwould be to go through and look very carefully at the punctuation. There may be some spaces you realize you want a longer pause, or that the comma doesn't give the halt you feel there needs to be. You may also go through and realize not only was the comma right, but hopefully by the end of the exercise, you'll understand exactly why it was right.I hope this helps, and good luck with your poetry! I will definitely be on the lookout for more from you! : D
Thanks so much for the review! I'm changing some of the punctuation now!
Hello, here's a quick review!
The power of this poem is definitely in how vauge it is. It could apply to just about anything without issue. Some things that come to mind for me are candy, drugs, shopping, and body modificatitons. Even that small sample has a lot of variety, and it's likely that you didn't for most or all of those connections while writing, which speaks numbers for how universal this piece is.
I questioned the use of commas at first, but upon re-reading the poem the unconventional punctuation makes it feel a little more like a thread of thoughts instead of something organized, which fits the theme well. Well done!
Keep writing,
Blueca
Thanks for the review and like!