E - Everyone

Death of the dream

I can read your eyes
Have you been crying
Since all night?
If you can't speak,
I will give you a tongue and a dictionary
To find some words.

It's okay if you couldn't make it,
It's okay if you weren't made for it,
But it's not okay to waste time
Because it's worth it.

So, see if the sun can come out,
Behind the scary and dark clouds,
And, if the green leaves
Can again decorate the trees,
Then why you still cry
On the death of the dream?

Maybe you were not perfect for it,
Maybe after achieving it,
You couldn't handle it.
So, close your eyes
Sleep again
Trigger your mind
And, find a new dream.

I know it was hard,
To bury the dream with a heavy heart,
It's gone now, change your way,
Remind yourself, it's okay, it's okay.

So, see if the sun can come out,
Behind the scary and dark clouds,
And, if the green leaves,
Can again decorate the trees,
Then why you still cry,
On the death of the dream?

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
BookOholic22
Review

Hey! I am bookoholic22 here for a review.
Great work! The theme was very good and so was the title.
I think you need to add a full stop after eyes in first stanza ,first line.
"So, see if the sun can come out,
Behind the scary and dark clouds,
And, if the green leaves,
Can again decorate the trees,
Then why you still cry,
On the death of the dream?"
This paragraph took my heart.. Simply amazing!!
I really liked your idea of when the person close to you could not speak, you'll give him/her a tongue and a dictionary.
I am looking forward for reading more from you!!
Keep writing
~bookoholic22

Thank you %u2728That's so nice of you :) Your response took my heart :)

Hey mahvash!Fangirl here!
*claps and whistles * damn this was so good! I so loved it!
Your theme was definitely awesome( very less in inspirational poems around here eh?) anyway you wrote this so well!and that last stanZa especially the last Two lines they left goosebumps on my arms... I still have them.,. Seriously man this poem was just perfect the way it is and you are a really good writer!
I really hope to see more of ur works around here!

FD46~

Oh my God!! I can't thank you enough for your response. Seriously your response has left me surprised, I was not expecting it.. :) thank you :)

Hi...
So I think there should be quotation marks. You shouldn't have the coma in the sentence "Have you been crying, For all night?". It looks weird too. I think you did good other than the weird looking sentence. What do I know though I'm an Icelander so..

User avatar
Charm
Review
Charm wrote a review · Sun Apr 17, 2016 7:49 pm

Hi! Just a short review for this peom :D

"Have you been crying,
For all night?"

'for all night' sounds awkward and the comma is unnecessary.

"So. see if the sun can come out,"
I think that needs to be a comma after 'so'

I really liked this poem. It was well written and relatable. I do think you could have been a bit more original and colorful. I mean adding more metaphors and imagery would be great. Your word choice was good but it could be better.

Anyway I hope this review was helpful,
Alice ♥

Thank you, I am glad that you liked this poem :)

User avatar
copgraveyard
Review

this lacks variety.

this covers a topic that has been beaten to death on this website. it becomes redundant and not fun to read. the last two lines in your first stanza aren't new or fresh, they just retread something said a million times. if you want to shine this topic under a new light, pick new imagery and metaphors to do so. talking about nature, the sun, leaves, trees, dreams, something not new, it'll leave your readers unimpressed. you use a lot of commas which are not needed. sometimes you just don't need them, so i recommend reading over your poem and removing some.

thanks.

Thank you for your review :)



There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart