In a scorching sunshine
Sitting selflessly under the tree.
Visiting your fantasies in your mind
It snatches you from who you used to be.
Reality keeps on chasing you
But all you do
Is running behind the drugs.
Drugs are after death,
They can't buy you warm hugs.
Want to escape these realities?
Want to be in your fantasies?
Then why you don't open the locks,
With the right keys?
Think this is the way to set everything straight?
Dear, half-opened eyes and smoke around your face
Can't set anything, but wraps a sentence around your eyes
Saying just wait.
Think it's a magic?
Or a tasty ice-cream to lick?
If it were so,
It would have changed the world, you know.
This is a sweet poison
By which you let yourself decay
Plants can't grow without standing in sun
Need to get it, work hard in every way.
Through drugs you waste yourself
And a star in a universe falls
Now it's worthless
It's shine doesn't reach the world at all.
Why you put yourself in fire?
Why you make yourself so coward?
These are drugs, they can't take you higher
Instead of messing you up.
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
'Ayyy, review time c:
Wonderful job with the stanza rhythm and the rhyming in general. The lines seemed to fit together, there were no awkward gaps [that I could detect] and the pattern was consistent and not all over the place.
"This is sweet poison/ By which you let yourself decay"
I particularly favored this line. Perhaps because of the contradicting analogy used [ I confess to liking those], or just the hard reality that it presented. This whole poem in general, though some parts more than others, presented the obvious facts, and questioned a person's decisions.
Overall, I enjoyed this poem. I look forward to seeing more of your work, keep up the good writing!!!
Thank you so much for taking out time for this poem
Hay Harry here for a review.
So I usually go right into the bad but I loved this poem so much I resided to jump right into the good. First good job with punctuation, rhythm, stanzas, and theme of the poem. You did great in these places and it looks like you did it professionally. Never stop, now try to challenge yourself and try to add rhymes and maybe write a little more detail about what your characters look like but I wouldn't change anything in the poem here. Lets go piece by piece. (In a scorching sunshine
Sitting selflessly under the tree.
Visiting your fantasies in your mind
It snatches you from who you used to be.) I like this part because you added detail about the weather and where you are at. The sunshine is hot so this says that it is either summer or close to it, Sitting under the tree says that you are daydreaming in the shade and that you are a harmless person having thoughts. (Reality keeps on chasing you
But all you do
Is running behind the drugs.
Drugs are after death,
They can't buy you warm hugs.) This one is sad and I almost cried. You are saying that when you start drugs you start running from life and you don't have anyone to turn to because everyone leaves your side when you do drugs. Good job and don't stop writing. Great Work And Happy Writing!
That's so nice of you! Thanks for your appreciation:) Good bless you!
Your welcome.