Finder of my depths

by Mahvash

Published May 19, 2017

E - Everyone

In Wild passion

Strangers,
see the ocean.
Friends,
only swim.
Best friend,
one who dared to
plunge into my depths.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Thisislegacy
Review
Thisislegacy wrote a review Review · May 19, 2017

Legacy here for a review.

I love the concept you have here. It's short and sweet. It also has so much meaning. It's nice how you were able to put so much meaning into so few words.

It would be interesting to hear this spoken; it seems like this poem would work for both spoken and written poetry (which is a delicate balance to perfect).

Overall, this is a final draft in my opinion. Good job and keep writing. Legacy.

User avatar
BeTheChange
Review
BeTheChange wrote a review Review · May 19, 2017

This was short, but had a good sentiment. I feel like the commas should have been colons or dashes instead.
My other, larger complaint is the title. Something about it just seems--awkward somehow. Not only is it long and wordy, but in titles, every important word should be capitalized.

Keep writing. This was overall pretty good.

User avatar
Sweetsinger Comment
Sweetsinger commented Comment · May 19, 2017

I loved the thought. I share the same feelings,so good attempt. Try to follow a rhyming scheme. Your best friend would be proud to have a friend like you.

Thank you so much :) Appreciate your comment :)

read mine and comment please

User avatar
Sweetsinger Comment
Sweetsinger commented Comment · May 19, 2017

I loved the thought. I share the same feelings,so good attempt. Try to follow a rhyming scheme. Your best friend would be proud to have a friend like you.



not to be woke but i just can't go around eating houses
— chi