Young Writers Society

Hello there, Mahvash!!

This is Eros here to write a review for this beautiful piece of poetry!!

I thought to review something from the older section of the green room, and the title of this poem caught my eyes...I decided to pause, peep and have a look inside about what does it wants to say?

I was really amazed by your style of writing. It is influensive and it impressed me. This poem is a real heartbreak for me. It describes the story of a girl who was unhappy because she had no one who could listen to her grieving soul and the ailing heart. So, she comitted suicide. It was really painful when I read the last stanza. So, in short the theme of the poem is really awesome and unique in itelf. I loved the main idea which forms the basis of this poem.

The next thing is the structure of the poem and the structure of the stanzas. I liked the stanzas because they were short and yet conveyed the meaning very beautifully. The stanzas have a good link between them and they are presented really beautifully. The poem flows well.

Let us now come to the words you have used here. I loved the choice of set of the words because they were simple. This makes the poem easy-to-understand.

Now, let us have a quick look at the grammatical errors. There wasn't anything which would could come under grammatical error. There was no punctuation mistake too. The sentence construction was also proper and beautiful.

So, overall it was a great work! AWESOME poem!

Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such unique work like this one!!
Have a great day/night/evening!

Hey @Mahvash! @Kayley01 here for review!

Okay so I have one criticism:
When you are writing a poem, try to make up your mind. Is it going to rhyme, or isn't it? Your better off choosing this before you start writing, otherwise it doesn't sound OR look right.

What I liked:
I did like the way you worded everything so perfectly. It really is a nice way of wording it, I especially liked the part where you said "Lips forgot to smile." It shows how much pain this girl is going through.

Anyways, I extremely liked this poem, it was very good and you should definitely keep writing!

Yours truly, @Kayley01.

I think that the emotions of this poem and the imagery really make readers think. It's also very accurate in the way it addresses the topic of suicide. Definitely keep writing poems like this because I enjoyed reading this. However, just make sure that you check some lines, because one or two of them don't read quite as well as the rest. Nevertheless, I still think this poem is really good and I would love to read some more of your work.

I'm not very good with reviewing poetry in its technicality, but I love reviewing the content. You have a strong opinion on this topic, as do I but I will not go into that. The first stanza WAS strong, I agree fully with that. People do love exaggeration, it's what gives them things to gossip about. The second stanza is what gets to me, it's true, when you feel like that, it's like you did forget how to smile. It hurts way too much. Trying to prove your innocence is hard and exhausting, you made that clear. Perfect. The last line was unneeded, you make your point so incredibly that it was just a line that took up space. Your choice of words is impressive. The ending gave a sense of... well, end. She was done, gone and she couldn't and didn't want to come back. This topic can be a hard topic to write or discuss about and let people see what you think, feel, hear or see. You are a strong human being to let this out there. I commend you on your courage.

Your first stanza is strong. I like the rhyme pattern, which is why I was a little disappointed when you didn't continue that all the way through the piece. But that may just be me. Anyway, this topic is written on a lot. Suicide. Slitting the wrists. From what I've seen, it's a common subject for writers to dabble with. I think you portrayed it fairly well. There were a few lines that read a little odd.

Yes, she was done
Done by proving her innocence

She killed her life

Hi! herbgirl here for a review!
I wanted to start by saying this poem seems very lyrical, the words you chose kind of just make it flow, it's very impressive.
However, there were a few things that I would like to point out. First of all, it seemed as if in some stanzas you were attempting to rhyme, while in others you completely ignored any previously set rhyme schemes. You can clearly see the difference in rhyme scheme between stanzas one and two, and in multiple other places. Now, as I said before, your poem does flow very well, but I think it would be even better if you either chose a rhyme scheme and stuck with it or chose to eliminate any and all rhymes, and make it more of a vignette.
The other thing that bothered me was the final stanza, since it has five lines in it instead of four. This isn't such a big deal, but since all the other stanzas have the same amount of lines, this one probably should too. I suggest adding the last line onto the line above it, or maybe skipping a line and then having that line.
Anyways, good job! I look forward to reading more of your work.
herbgirl

Wow. This poem was amazing. I loved how it was so sad and packed with emotion. I literally felt like I was going to cry while hearing you portray your feelings at such an emotional time. You are very good at telling the story that is hidden within your poem, and using metaphors to show the emotions bubbling up inside of you. I tell you, you did a fantastic job at writing this. It was very good. I hope to see more stuff like this from you in the future, and see what else you tell through descriptive words, and well thought out forms of symbolism. I know nothing about poetry of course so I couldn't tell you if your stanzas are correct or not. But to me, a common reader, it's perfect. Never stop writing.

Hello there! Haven't been around in a while, it's back to get back to reviewing. And what a lovely and tragic piece to begin with.

To start, you have some very powerful lines here. I don't necessarily relate to the issue of depression or suicide, but I understand a bit of the hardships and struggles they may go through, as I have my fair share of losses of friends from suicide. I think you got the pain and dreadful atmosphere of the whole concept out and done really well. It's almost as if I were in the mind of the poor person, which is probably what you were going for.

I'd just like to praise the following lines.

"Swollen eyes carried tons of pain,
Lips forgot to smile."
This is tragically beautiful and is a really nice metamorphism. I love how you interpreted the pain as a weight carried within eyes. Nicely done.

"She killed her life."
This line alone was enough to give me chills for whatever reason. I like how you weren't plain about it and didn't just say, "She took her life." or "She killed herself." But killing a life is so ironic, it was well placed in the position of your poem.

Now for the nitpicks.
In poems, it's important to know that structure of the sentences and word placing is different than regular stanza writing etiquette. You seem to understand structure quite nicely, just one thing- do not capitalize the start of every line.
Even if you are writing poetry, your grammar still has to abide as if it were regular sentences written in a regular structure. Treat your sentences like normal sentences, and capitalize only when and where it's needed.

That's about it from me. You're a very talented poet, and I look forward to reading more from you!

Happy writing!