The Stars (Re-written)

the Messenger Knight here to review for you on Review Day. I saw your request on your wall and thought I'd oblige.
So, glad I got to this after it was edited. It proved to be a very pleasing and enjoyable read. I loved how you used the stars to act like your emotions and feelings through life. I think that's what you meant, and if you did, it went perfectly. I never think of stuff like this. Glad you did. It was really cool. I especially liked the part where you had the clouds roll in.
Fantastic job with description and metaphoric writing, two things very very key in poetry, even more-so than in books I think. I wish I could tell you more, but this was edited really well and I didn't see any errors. Hope this helps you in your writing.
Keep it up!

A review of sorts. Firstly, you MUST implement some form of regular metre. Robert Frost said that writing poetry without metre (or rhyme for that matter) is like playing tennis with the net down. A good regular metre adds that most important of things to a poem: rhythm.

Secondly, I did enjoy the first stanza most of all, principally because it had (though indirectly) a rhythm. The use of astral imagery for your thoughts (heaven-sent, esoteric, lunar etc.) was well conveyed and I appreciated the "star cross'd" (Romeo & Juliet) metaphor.

A stellar (pun very much intended) effort; implement a metre and you have a nice little poem here!

Oh gosh, I hate to be *that* guy, but did you even proof-read this at all? There are so many grammatical errors that it really detracts from the overall feel of the poem. I'll highlight a few here:

- "Look out opone the Midnight Sky" ('upone' should be 'upon')
- "Curiousity" should be "curiosity"
- "constallations" should be "constellations"
- "reson" should be spelt "reason" (you mis-spelt it a few times)

Those are all I could see through a quick read-through, and the punctuation of the last few lines has to be a mistake surely? "For one of these.there has to be, / A reason for out happiness"?

If you correct those few flaws, which are easy to rectify, then you'll have a much easier-to-read poem, that'll flow a lot more naturally, and prevent the reader's mind from being irked at the errors, rather than concentrating on the letters.

Anyway, back to the review. I can identify with the sentiment of the poem, but I think you fell below-par with the execution - don't be discouraged though, it's simply a matter of practice!

I like the images that the poem conveys, of night skies shimmering with little golden specks of light, and moons and planets yonder that we can't understand, but I feel you could've used a few more poetic techniques to convey your message. Use alliteration, assonance, simile and metaphor - those are the techniques of a poet, their brushes and paints to convey the image in their readers' minds, without them, a poem loses the potency that it could have, and unfortunately I feel that that is what affected your poem. I suggest re-writing the poem a little and trying to just spice it up, y'know?

Also, the lack of a regular rhyme-scheme was off-putting at times, too. The first stanza had me feeling the rhyming was almost like a lullaby as I read it, which I was perfectly happy with, but it wasn't continued to the next two stanzas, before making a return in the final stanza. It came off as a little bizarre to me, and disrupted the rhythm of your lines, which is a real shame, as I can see the potential there!

There ya go, I think I've gave you enough to go on, and I'm sorry if I came off as a bit too critical in this review, it just irks me that the potential for this poem is *there*, but with just a little tweaking that it could change and become great.

Hope I've helped, and if you have any questions/comments don't be afraid to let me know!