Curious and curiouser!
O how their minds work!
What's this?
What's that?
So many questions,
So many explanations,
Always followed by, "Why?"
They're so ready,
So eager,
And yet,
they're forced
To learn the things,
they hate so much.
Pressured into,
Being so perfect
You take them in
And stamp them out!
Personality &
Creativity
Mean nothing.
You crush spirits
And call it "order"
Then you wonder,
In your olden age,
"what happened
to the world?"
You ruined those
free-spirits
With your rules
And double-standards.
The sickest part,
Is that you do it all
In the name of freedom!
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Yay for a fellow NaNoer, and I applaud you for doing it in poetry! I wouldn't be able to do that, as much as I love the craft.
Also, I applaud you for the topic of this poem! As a part of the USA's public school system, and a sort of crappy school district, I feel this poem in the darkest depths of my soul. You really painted an accurate picture of what it feels like they're doing to us. I love it!
If I were to give you any advice, I would suggest tweaking the last three lines: "The sickest part,/Is that you do it all/In the name of freedom!" It sounds very different than the other parts of the poem, which seem to come in fours.
Otherwise, this is really great! Thank you so much for writing!
Hey there. I did NaNoWriMo to except I did a novel (couldn't write poetry to save my life). I like this ideal and have felt it as well. The anger of our creativity being shot down, where students don't learn what they want they learn what is expected. I noticed the transition from a happier feel at the beginning of students excited to learn to that what they want to learn they can never be taught. Order is just a word and it means so little but, in this world it is law.
I relate to this in the fact that if school was focused around me I would never take another science (through I only have one left!) You did a very good job in relating this to every student (normal student) in the united states while still keeping your own personal opinion with in the text without shoving it down the readers' throats which is a hard task to complete.
I believe my favorite line would have to be the double standards and what happened in this world. It really sends the perspective of a younger person to the eyes of an adult who never see the same way we do.
I'd work some on your grammar though, I can't say much as you can tell from reading this I need help too. Keep writing I'd love to hear more from you.
~Chow!
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it.
I love this poem. I completely disagree with the school systems in the USA. I thought this poem was amazing, it captured all of the negative feelings I have about school systems and more. My favorite part was probably this:
I loved this. This was the part that I related to the most.
I have a few nitpicks. If you are going to capitalize the first line, just do it. Also, within the quotation marks, the W should be capitalized.
No grammar mistakes, although you should've added more punctuation.
Again, I loved this poem, and those were nitpicks on the technical stuff. On everything else, you did FABULOUS!!!! Keep writing!
-Gravity
Thanks! I'm glad you were able to relate to it.