What do you do when a stranger dies,
And you feel sad but not enough to cry?
What do you do, when you feel less like you,
And somehow you manage to mess up everything you do?
What do you do when your heart breaks,
And it seems like that it’s all that you can take?
What do you do when you’re close to the end,
And you have ran out all of your friends?
What do you do once you’re eternally sleeping,
And all the people you hated are silently weeping?
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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey there! Okay so today you have me reviewing you submission!
Commentary:
The plot was good! I enjoyed the piece and as a result even liked it! I felt that you were particularly focusing on one thing which was very good! There weren't any Grammar mistakes that I could find so that's another positive point. I loved the formatting of your poem and hopee to see more from you!
Favorite lines:
"What do you do when a stranger dies,
And you feel sad but not enough to cry?"
"What do you do when your heart breaks,
And it seems like that it’s all that you can take?"
Have a good day!
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!
Technical:
"What do you do once you’re eternally sleeping,
And all the people you hated are silently weeping."
You have question marks at the end of every couplet BUT THIS ONE. Why? It's a question too, and I think no less important than the others. Please make it a question.
"And you have ran out all of your friends?", the "ran" should be "run" for proper verb tense.
Content:
You ask a lot of tough questions. Like "What do you do when a stranger dies, And you feel sad but not enough to cry?" That's a really hard question to answer. Especially the last couplet. That was powerful. But when I finished this poem, I wanted answers, and you didn't even attempt to delve into them. Sure, they may be tough questions, but you should at least make an attempt to answer them. But if you don't want to do that in this poem, then maybe write a follow up poem answering those questions. Sometimes answering your own questions is a good source for inspiration.
Hope this helps! Happy Review Day!
The reason why the questions remain unanswered is because these questions are the ones that are almost impossible to answer. These are the questions that I don't know the answers to. I can't answer them, because then they wouldn't be right or complete.
Hi LittleCaroleen,Dark here to review your poem.Firstly,Happy review day!
I like the questions that you raised in your poem.Some are true, that exists in my mind. It also makes me think a moment. It challenges my mind actually.
#What do you do when a stranger dies,
And you feel sad but not enough to cry?-->You give a space for the readers to think of their own answers here.Well,it make sense and great.
#What do you do, when you feel less like you,
And somehow you manage to mess up everything you do?-->these lines are bit confusing.I can't find any relation between the 2 lines here.
#What do you do when your heart breaks,
And it seems like that it’s all that you can take?-->I love this part.It makes me feel like 'this is what people says as a 'fate'.
#What do you do once you’re eternally sleeping,
And all the people you hated are silently weeping. -->My gosh,this is beautiful.Very breathtaking .
Overall,I really like the idea you want to point up here.But the rhythm is a bit off and some lines does not flow smoothly.You can try reread this poem loudly and you will find which one is it.Keep it up,I enjoyed reading your poem here
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
Hey there! Onyx is here to review your poem!
Okay, over view, I like it. I like those you keep the same structure with the two lines throughout the poem. Though I do have a few things, I, would do differently.
Okay, so far through the first little phrase or verse, how ever you call it. I don't understand why you said,
To me, that does not really connect with each other. I see both of those as two different sentences, not one big one.
Now another thing I want to point out is the very last verse.
Why is the last part not in a question format? I can see that as a question, not just a statement.
Now other than those two points, you did good! I would make it a little longer and a little more detail. Honestly, keep writing. I can't wait to see some more work from you! If you have any other questions, just message me! Thank you,
~Onyx
The last part was a typo. I really need to double check my stuff. -_-
And the first one refers to a personal experience. I don't know if other people feel it or not. Sometimes when someone I never knew, but heard of dies, then I get really sad. I don't know if I should cry, because I didn't know them that well. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really have no idea what to do.
Well, that is a good way to explain it. It is fine, I need to double check myself sometimes as well. Ha- but over all you did great. Keep on writing.
I do not read poetry enough as I should. I do like the stuff, just never read it!
However, I do like what you have to say. One thing that strikes me is a general theme to the piece. Is it simply "What do you do" in any circumstance, or does this poem reflect a life slowly dying asking itself "what do you do" in this life that is slowly losing its grip to things. If it is the latter, then I get the sense that the stranger could be you. Then it's a journey of finding the real you again, but never completing such a task. All the while, you are asking "what do you do?"
This is just what I am getting out of it. If it isn't what you intended, then feel free to say "Wow, Morkish is a creep." Either way, I enjoyed this small poem. Keep up the good work!
Haha. Thank you.
It actually isn't what I was trying to show at all. It's just posing questions as to what one might do in any of these awkward situations. But if that's what you got out of it, then go ahead and take it. There are million things you can get out of a writing. Just because it wasn't the author's intention, doesn't mean it doesn't apply. At least, that's what I think.