Four walls
Trap me in;
One is good.
One is bad.
One is you.
And one is me
Back and forth--
I bounce around
These four walls.
In this room,
I was unstable.
I couldn't get out.
You tried
To save me.
I reached out,
And you fought for me.
Instead of pulling me out,
You pulled yourself in.
And now back-and-forth
we go around.
I wish you
Would have known,
That's impossible
To save someone
from themselves.
But now we stay confined
To these four walls.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hey!
Another pleasing review by the Apple Dumpling Gang! ( I'm starting to get used to this)
I loved the way you made this poem have a nice, circular ending, since you clearly mentioned the four walls at the start and end of your poem. Its these things that make me love poetry.
The remorse that you felt was also refreshingly clear. This doesn't have very strong imagery, or any kind of central idea than the bouncing around, and despite that, you handled it well.
However, I think this opening could use a little work.
A poem has to have its standing ground somewhere, and looking at the other two stanzas, the best place would probably be here, at the start. The end would also work, because you just need to push forth the idea of entrapment more. Right now, from this poem, there isn't much of strong emotion that I feel, no pressing sense of claustrophobia, no strong remorse, and the walls themselves are not given much of a vivid 3-D description.
Despite that, it's a cute way to say that your partner is following the ups and downs with you. If this wasn't meant to elicit a strong response for the reader, then its alright! This is pretty good as it is
On the whole, I liked it, and as I mentioned before, the closure you achieved was really satisfying! Great Job.
Keep Writing~
-Binder
Hello, I hoped you find this review helpful. I really liked this poem. The short lines worked perfectly! The starting and ending was brilliant. Your idea behind the poem was also amazing. But this poem left me curious especially to that part of the "bad and good walls" Anyway, my favourite stanza was:
"In this room,
I was unstable.
I couldn't get out.
You tried
To save me.
I reached out,
And you fought for me.
Instead of pulling me out,
You pulled yourself in.
And now back-and-forth
we go around."
Overall: I loved your poem and hope to read more of your work soon
- Anshira; Apple Dumpling Gang
This is really good!I like how you talked about how some other person, perhaps a lover, has unknowingly put bounds on you, and how he put bounds on HIMSELF by mistake. I probably sound like an idiot right now, but that's just one of the things I loved about it.
There were a few missing commas and a few extra capital letters, but other than that, the grammar was all in place. Keep up the good work 
Just a suggestion. You should change your poem title to "These Four Walls", it would just sound better and less wordy that "I Didn't Mean for this to Happen". Other than that, I really like this. It's to the point and not overdone. It has a bit of a story to it as well, one that I'm sure many people can relate to. You could almost expand this into a short story.
And just as an afterthought, I think you could also go into more detail about the other two walls. I mean, the last two stanza's talk about the walls 'me' and 'you', but I want to know more about the walls 'good' and 'bad'. You know what I'm saying?
The lines I really liked were these:
"Instead of pulling me out,
You pulled yourself in."
and
"I wish you
Would have known,
That's impossible
To save someone
from themselves."
Although with the second one, I feel like it would flow more smoothly if you said "that it's impossible" instead of "that's impossible". But I really do like the picture I'm seeing when I read this. Good job!
Thank you. I see now that I've made that mistake, so I'll go and fix that. I thought about naming it "These Four Walls" but I wanted something different. So many of my works mention the title in the piece and this was me trying something new. Clearly it wasn't as successful as I thought it would be. Thank you for your review. I really appreciate it.