A Tragedy

Hey. SecreteJournalist here to review But really, feel free to call me Brie!

I am going to review thing stanza by stanza.

Tell me, what's a tragedy,
I've seen so many,
I don't know.
Could it be the simple tragedies,
Are just what life is?

I like this stanza. It does need a little bit of fixing up though. I think the first line should end in a question mark, since it is a question! Either than that, great

I've witnessed so much sadness,
And I've cried too many tears.
I ask myself again and again,
Where the real tragedy is.

I feel that you could word this differently, the wording is so cliché. Try maybe, instead of crying, put sobbing? Either than that, great

These people are so good,
In their hearts and in their minds.
They have such soft intentions,
They didn't think, It'd go wrong.

Woah woah. Where did people come from? Who are 'These people' ? Try explaining this more to the reader. Either than that, great

So many people learned and grew,
From all of the bad things in life.
I don't think I could call that, a tragedy.
It must be something more.


The third line doesn't need a comma. Either than that... great

But I think I figured it all out,
Somewhere along the way.
The tragedy isn't what happened
Or things outside of your control.

After the first line, don't ass a comma. Also, I do think the last line was shakily written, and could be better for the reader to read if you reworded it. Either than that... great

I don't think a tragedy is loneliness,
Nor is it a fracture or an illness.
It isn't about the intelligence,
Nor is it about the wealth.

Good. Great actually.

A tragedy is someone who,
Could never love someone,
More than they could love themselves.
And that's why I say,
My life is a tragedy.

I would disagree with this stanza, and I think if you want to mention love, it shouldn't be in JUST the last stanza. Either than that... great

Overall, I liked this, but it does need a little work. After a little work, this will be wonderful <3 Keep Writing!

SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie

Well, this poem has a lot going on.

1) Your first stanza was well written, it flowed perfectly. But you started to lose your rhythm and your flow as you continued throughout. You should really try rewording a few of these lines to make it flow better, and keep the beats the same. You should try to stay consistent with the number of syllables or the types of sounds you use in each stanza. If that makes sense.

2) The next thing I had a problem with, is that your last stanza is about love. It's about how a tragedy is someone who can't love someone more than they love themselves, and that doesn't connect with anything else you've said in your poem thus far. It should have some sort of connection to the start. If your poem is about how tragedy isn't facing a hardship you learn from, but not loving someone as you love yourself, it should somehow connect from start to finish. I thought you were going to go into the different types of tragedies that people face. Disasters, death, sickness, broken limbs, broken things, ect. How everyone views it different, and that the only real tragedy is that we have to have tragedies to begin with or something. That was definitely not how this poem ended. And if you make your readers think that you're going in one direction and you do a complete turn around and end it differently, it's very off putting. Sometimes it's ok, but with subjects like this, it's off putting and takes away.

3) But all in all, I liked your poem and the subject matter you covered. Great idea. Great poem. Keep working. Keep writing.

~ Nightlyowl