Young Writers Society

Hello LittleCaroleen,here is Dark Knight to review your poem.

Firstly,I tried to find the theme,so I think it is about 'love theme';

I don't want heartbreak,
I don't want tears.

I just wanted you,
Unconditionally.

I don't care to know your reasons.
I don't care to know your lies.

I Love this poem, but more specifically I like the last stanza the rhythm flows the best. I couldn't find any errors which is great so keep doing what your doing!!

Hello

First thing: The title was a total eye catcher for me. I loved it.
I really liked this story. I think it's well written.
I thought it was just a little choppy though.
But it was a good topic to chose from, and you wrote a very good poem.
also, one more thing...
The last sentence seems off to me. It makes sense in with the poem, but it seems kind of lengthy in the poem. To me, the rhythm gets thrown off at this point. But the poem still works.
I love the way it flows and how you stayed on topic throughout the entire poem.
Keep up the amazing work!
I can't wait to see more!

I really like this. While it's simple and a bit choppy, I feel that the writing suits the nature of the topic that way. The tense change in the third line is a bit distracting the first time, but since it's repeated in the next two stanzas it's perfectly fine by me. Well done! ^^

Hello!
I thought your poem was very cute. It's also very relatable, as many people struggle with these kinds of emotions.
You're rather vague in this poem. I'm not quite sure what happened. You say that you don't want heart break or tears, and that sounds like you are PRESENTLY trying to avoid those things. But in the second stanza, it sounds like you have ALREADY received smiles and sympathy. The only reason I say that, is the "your smiles." Like you already know the exact smile this person will give. Also, you say "I just wanted you," and "I just wanted to know." Wanted is obviously in the past tense. This changes in tenses confuses me a bit, so I'd change it to be all one tense.
The "plot line" is vague. What happened? Were there tears? What did you want? You wanted them? What is killing you an the inside? I might just be naive, but I just don't get what's going on other than longing for this person. If that's all it really is meant to be, then I guess that's fine, but the poem's a little weak.
One reason I think it's weak, is that the rhymes feel forced. It's like you're writing half of your sentences JUST to make the rhyme work out. Figure out what you really want to say and if you can make it rhyme, that's good, but if you can't, the meaning comes first. Also, "unconditionally" doesn't really rhyme with "sympathy."
I wished this poem had a little more... spice. I don't know, some nice imagery, or poetic devices. I hate to say this, but it's kind of boring. Take risks when writing your poetry! People like things that are different!
I did like your rhythm. It was really nice.
Like I said, this was a very cute poem, and it has potential. Keep writing!
~Fortis

Hey there! 221B here to give you a review.

I really like this poem, it's unique in the way that it focuses on both the wants and the possessions. Mostly you only see poems that have a focus on the negative gains rather than the original good intentions.

I did notice, though, that its kind of choppy. There are awkward halting pauses in certain parts
that seem to be caused by the uneven line lengths. The beats in the poem aren't consistent and it made it a bit harder for me to read. There are also places where your rhymes are a bit off (rhyming tears with tears), but it's slant rhyming so that's alright.

The only other thing I noticed was that your third (last) stanza seems to be more lengthy than the others and it throws off the rhythm.

Other than those little things I really, really enjoyed this poem and I can't wait to see more from you!
Keep writing!
+ 221B