*Warning: the content of this story may be too spooky for you!!!*
There was once a small town without wi-fi. The only internet source they had there was dial-up, and most of the adults there worked as telemarketers, forcing teenagers to leave their sacred laptops in exchange for real human interaction. We have no idea whatever happened during these horrific events.
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Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
This is a cute and funny story and actually well-written. It suprisingly short and for something like this to happen, our world would be very doomed indeed-- at least for us teenagers.
I am confused about the last sentence though. I know it is supposed to be the closer, but the way its written made the story feel incomplete. Perhaps if something like " and every teenager died of having to interact and dwelled on the awkward momenta they shared with the adulta " were added, then it might feel a little more complete. Or if another she thence were added to the current piece that gave some more closure to the piece, would help.
This is a funny, cute little work. I was entertained. Good job.
--MCP
Storybraniac here to review.
OK,m so you really did fool me with this. Even when I saw how short it is but hadn't read it, I was thinking this was going to be really chilling. So much for that. I got a good laugh out of the "Moral" of the story. It was so creative (not really) but still funny. I was hoping for a really good spooky story . . . I didn't quite get that:)
Keep it up!
Gabbi gonna review now! Hehehe~ Hehehehehehe~ Just 'coz I wanna~
I really thought this was a really scary story. I think I'm gonna have nightmares.
First, let's talk about all the mistakes and the things I didn't like.
..... You have no mistakes here! Good job! You deserve an S+++++++++++++++++++++!
But there were some things I didn't like. I thought this story was a little too short. I wanted at least two paragraphs. But that's okay. A short story can be as short as you like. But I still think you have what it takes to make it just a little bit longer.
I also thought the first sentence could've been worked on to make it sound more spookier and scarier. That would really give me nightmares until the end of my life!
NOW!
Onto the things I liked!
I loved how you describe what kind of life they had. It really brings out the spooks in the story!
I also liked some of your vocabulary. Some like: "sacred", "horrific" and "interaction". They made the story much more interesting!
You did a pretty good job with this piece of writing. You're an epic author! I would love to read more of your work. Well Done!
-Gabbi-
I actually found this story funny. Probably because I didn't have a cell phone till I was late High School, we had dial-up, I grew up playing outside til dusk. And guess what? I turned out just fine, I didn't die for not being online or forgetting to take my phone to school with me. It's sad that today those teenagers idea of dating is texting each other!
Eh. Not the exact point I was making. You aren't that attached to it, because like you said, you didn't grow up with it. I didn't either really. I was really only referring to my terrible addiction to tumblr. I don't think there's anything wrong with not going out, some people have social anxiety and it's really hard for them. Other people (like me) prefer to be by themselves, so they stay inside where people aren't gonna bother me about being alone. I have a few friends that I hang out with, but very few will I pursue a friendship outside of school or church. As for dating, well right now I'm hardly interested in that.
Hmmm. Good point. To be honest I have a small amount of friends and I can go either way. Somedays I prefer to be by myself and somedays I feel like I could use the company.
NO WIFI!!! WHO CAN LIVE IN AWORLD WITH NO WIFI!! You just described the perfect nightmare.
I liked it ;]
No wi-fi = my idea of hell.
Oh, wow... well, you applied the real world well into your story.. Who would like a town without wi-fi? But here is what you could do : You could have written some events on what happened during the horrific events, which would have 1) Made the story less shorter, and 2) Engaged the readers more.
Now, you really are evil aren't you?
Very disappointing, was expecting a real good juicy horror story to review just in time for ole Hallow's eve. Alas! I must still await one!
Im sure we've all had a good laugh with this one, now be gone! And write something we'll all enjoy reading
Sounds like my town xD
*screams* here to review this hugely horrifying story. I hope you didn't waste any points. This
Is kinda disappointing. I was expecting ghouls, ghosts, and goblins. That kind of stuff. Like the guy below me, I was hugely disappointed. How dare you destroy my hopes for this... this.... Runt of a scary story. Keep writing and try to reel in those folk who just love the internet. I prefer reading so now I'm going to go mope. Humorous but not scary.
the Messenger Knight here to review.
OK,m so you really did fool me with this. Even when I saw how short it is but hadn't read it, I was thinking this was going to be really chilling. So much for that. I got a good laugh out of the "Moral" of the story. It was so creative (not really) but still funny. I was hoping for a really good spooky story . . . I didn't quite get that:)
Keep it up!