She always had her own idea of glamour.
High heels,
High hair,
And those high, rigid standards.
She was able to break through everyone’s walls.
Once in, she broke everyone down.
And left them with
Higher walls,
Higher standards,
And darker thoughts.
She always had her own idea of protection
High walls,
High head,
And those high, rigid standards.
No one could ever break through her wall,
Until one day I did.
And left her with
Broken heels,
Straightened hair,
And a sense of self.
Everyone’s got their own idea of love.
High priced luxuries,
High cost bravery
And getting down those high walls.
I fell in love with her.
But it was the first time
And Her wall was made of gold and diamonds.
Not for fashion, but for protection.
I was the only one who ever saw her.
Who ever broke through those walls.
And she let me in,
And I wish I could say it was the sweetest bliss.
But it wasn’t.
She put on a pair of flats.
And she chopped off all her hair.
She through out all of her rigid standards.
That was the first time I realized,
That I had fallen in love without it being romantic.
That was the first time I realized,
That pretty girls get scared too.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I remember reading this a while back and thought it was really well-written, but it seems like I never got the chance to review it. So, here I am! Here to give you a review on review day!
I truly like the idea behind this poem, that pretty girls. Despite all their prettiness, can get scare too. In fact, everyone gets scared some times, especially girls. Especially girls who are pretty with flowing hair and smooth skin, it seems that society think of them as strong, unbreakable girls. But I guess few actually see through their walls, as you have written here:
Aye, they have high walls, rigid standards and walls as hard as diamond to break. And I like how realistic you have made it here. About breaking into her walls and the consequence of it, I like how you didn't mollify it into all smooth seas and sailing. Because let's face it, it isn't.
I really like these lines, love them.
I've only got one nitpick and some suggestions on style:
I think you misspelt 'through' there instead of 'threw.'
I think you should divide this poem into stanzas, you had a variation of sentences from long to short and the rhythm actually flows quite well in this poem. But I just thought that if you read through it again, and divide it into maybe five or six stanzas. It would be easier to read, because in some places. Some of the lines were mixed together.
However, that is just my idea. This poem is still unique and beautiful, great job!
-S.s
This is very good. I kind of don't know what to say about it because it was so awesome. I remember in middle school, and sort of now, that I thought all the girls who I thought were pretty or just seemed better than everyone had everything they wanted and never had any worries because their egos were so high, which was why everyone liked them. I think you tapped into that belief, disproving it a little by showing that even pretty girls can get broken down and that they too are sensitive.
But I'm a little unclear on exactly how this shows her being scared, or rather what she was afraid of. I'm curious, what is it that she was afraid of? Of the truth? Of herself since she fell in love with someone?
This poem flows smoothly and I agree with @Burntshadow that the imagery is quite clear. That whole part about her cutting her hair and wearing flats was awesome and clearly showed her breaking down. That was awesome. Also yeah, 'through' should be 'threw'. No biggie though.
Nice job, this is great.
Grr...you stole my idea for a poem
I thought it would be an interesting theme and you proved me right! The imagery is clear and I like the repetitiveness, something that can get boring but it worked with your short lines. I think actually addresses the problem that many people think being pretty solves your problems but it doesn't. You can still be insecure, lonely and sensitive. I liked that it was a platonic relationship (there's too many romantics!) and that you pointed out love isn't beauty but seeing beneath the beauty. The only thing is I think you meant 'threw' instead of 'through'. But otherwise, great job!