It's funny. I'm not the reckless type.
Spiders lurch forward millimetres
at a time, with pauses, pauses between
as if evaluating which direction
north, east, west or south
to nudge themselves towards next.
You caught me at the moment of launch,
mid-feast, mid-final blow, somehow managing
to turn the table over and scatter my broken bones
over the cracked tile floor. Did you know?
A spider is never careful once she has
cornered her prey.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
First off, "hamartia" is such a delicious word.
Second off, what a great poem!
I particularly enjoyed how the tone really gave off the impression of a spider hunting and having caught its prey—pragmatic, eerily focused, this sense of "So what if it's cruel? So what if it's dangerous? This is the way of the world."
As I read this, I imagined that the narrator has made a reckless choice that they won't stop from going through with, even if they've been interrupted in the middle. Like a spider who has cornered her prey, they've thrown caution to the wind and will stop at nothing to get what they want.
The only thing I would point out is that I believe there should be a comma after the line "as if evaluation which direction" and after the line "north, east, west or south" since the latter is considered a nonessential element and thus isn't required for the sentence to make sense.
Overall, this was really an enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for reviewing! I loved hearing your thoughts <3 Ah yes, that's a good point about the punctuation and I'll keep it mind while revising
Hi! I really enjoyed reading your poem. thank you for sharing it here.
first of all, the layout of the poem is really nice. it looks very organized. it flows very well and I think that helps it a lot. the amount of syllables in each line is very consistent, which makes easier to read.
it was entertaining to read. I like it because to me, the spider could represent something else. in this way, all of the readers are able to connect to it and find what it means to them.
I like how you ask the question "did you know?" it is just a great addition.
Anyways, thank you for sharing. have a lovely day/night!!!
Ailah
Thanks for reviewing, Ailah! I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the "did you know?" part. When I was writing the poem, I really wanted that bit to be a kind of turning point that changes the overall meaning, so I'm glad that part managed to stand out to you. Thanks again!
Hi,
I like your poem, it is an interesting poem taking about a spider. Gives a different outlook on life and spiders.
One suggestion that I do however have is to break the lines up more. The flow was well written, but I feel like breaking up some of the lines would overall support a more natural flow to the poem.
The first line could be broken into two lines to give a pause to it. Built a little suspense on where you are going after saying "It's funny."
"Over the cracked tile floor.
Did you know?"
I feel like breaking it into two lines like this would flow a bit better.
I also feel like the last two lines could be one line or include a comma after "....she has" to give a pause making "cornered her prey" stand out a bit more but still connected to the line before it.
Just some small suggestions. Just thoughts. Regardless your poem was really good and I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for your comments and suggestions! I really appreciate it, and I do agree changing up the line breaks might be good here.