Text version:
Two schoolgirls thread fishbone fingers, their past;
their future rides the red light, walking fast.
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Chalk-white corpse tips his sunhat at boarding,
straw coming loose – he must go walking fast.
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No hard and fast ghazal can hold my touch:
clean bones, dead language; traces walking fast.
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Think hipbones that hatchet-swing paths through crowds;
for yellow, young-life bones, live walking fast.
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Jungle vertebrae break on linear lines;
paralysis will leave us walking fast.
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Monsoon rain devours the scent of spices:
café sign half-mast, the queue walking fast.
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Liminality says: old bones are wishbones,
don't fish new wishes – decay comes walking fast.
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Canary word: Present
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hello!👋🏻
My name is Kathryn. I love poems SO MUCH. And I am so glad that I can add this poem to my list of ones that I loved.❤️ There are some cons but mainly pros.
Pros
1. The word choice really helps to bring the story to life
2. It flowed very nicely
3. Sounded very professional
4. It sounded like something in a movie (like something some old wise guy would say) which is
good 👍🏻
Cons
1. It was a little confusing at the start
2. Could not tell who was telling the story
3. Not one main focus (unless you didn't have a main focus)
This is all I have. I hope you continue to write poems because this one was very nice. ❤️❤️❤️
Have a nice day.l
Thanks for the review!
Good evening, or whatever time of day it is for you! Gem here with a review. (Hey, that rhymed lol)
Pros
I think this is a really nice poem. It’s short but sweet, with nice little descriptions. I can tell it’s a rainy day in a small town, despite it not telling me that (minus the rain bit).
Cons
I have said this before (and I probably need to copyright this phrase at this point lol), but I can’t seem to find the rhythm in this poem. Don’t take it too seriously though, it’s just a personal nitpick of mine.
“Walking fast” is both a pro and a con here. I like how it’s the thing that connects the stanzas to one another. But I do find it to be a bit repetitive after a while.
Overall, I did really like this. Keep it up!
-✨
Thanks for the review!