Hi Liminality! I was skimming the green room for something to review and saw that this poem of yours has been in here for a while, so here I am with a review for you ^^I apologize in advance if it's a bit all-over-the-place; my head a bit scrambled right now c:So one thing I noticed that you do several times throughout the poem is repeating phrases over line breaks. For example,
cross the room to me,and cross me,
I come in peace,peace like...
...I copy your words, those dishonest words
cheap threadbare tunicsfor my cheap bare heart?
peace like the fire behinda ceramic mask
or maybe the poison--tipped dart in your eyeslong-lashed
and towers in those cheekbones
Or are all I havecheap threadbare tunics
in their white robes to watch you fly away alone in the square -
Hey there,This was a really good read. I have to be honest. A very strong strong opening I must say. For a lake of a better word this poem was very... Poetic.😁 I mean its creative, vivid, whimsical, and heartbreaking. I personally didnt find much wrong, except for it got a bit choppy in the middle of paragraph 3. But to be honest its nitpicking. Paragraph five is my favorite. I give this poem a 5/5 10/10, a green sticker which ever works. Great job and get having fun.
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