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Young Writers Society



Water Poems: Flowchart

by Liminality


Text:

Medieval cities

1. would manage the f l o w of waste

I’m listening and nodding to

by hurling it out the window

.: earth could eat it

.: I’d forget –

.

Medieval cities

2. learnt to fear bad smells

replacing the fertilization of soil with

the sanitation system

pipe colonies +

maze-hierarchies

choked throats leading to:

i. oceanic pollution

a. on beaches where you showed

me how to make sandcastles

.

Medieval cities

3. bother

me

because

the poison

never

leaves

scared away

temporarily

by miasma-myths

like smoke dragons

dark green escaping

to the drains,

diluting

handfuls of displaces

scattering peoples

throwing them to sea

diluting

dead languages

into living mouths

never quite gone

diluting

.: only the colour

lightens -- foamy sage

dripping from my lips

well-hidden under the waves

of your jet-black hair, where

words can mean n o t h i n g*

.

*and I still trace them with my fingers.


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1360 Reviews

Points: 187
Reviews: 1360

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Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:10 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I liked reading this piece.The way the words were laid out gave the poem so much more impact and meaning.When the word “nothing“ is read,you can feel the nothingness from that word.The poem gives off an eerie,exissental vibe.Like it’s saying no matter what happens,there will still be problems in the air,the problems being the pollution you mentioned.Alright,I hope you have a good day and night!




Liminality says...


Thanks for the review!



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26 Reviews

Points: 23
Reviews: 26

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Mon Dec 20, 2021 6:21 pm
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Mooilky wrote a review...



Hello, this is a review.

Love seeing another water chart! My favorite part was the asterisk at the end.

"well-hidden under the waves

of your jet-black hair, where

words can mean n o t h i n g*

.

*and I still trace them with my fingers."

I noticed that "flow" and "nothing" are the only words with spaces between the letters.
"miasma-myths" and "well-hidden" are the only words with a dash connecting them.

"i. oceanic pollution

a. on beaches where you showed

me how to make sandcastles"

This is the only part that uses roman numerals, which I thought was interesting since it follows the words colonies and hierarchies.

I also liked that "diluting" branches off into three arrows.

"dead languages

into living mouths

never quite gone"
This line was powerful to me.

Thank you for sharing your art!
Hope you have a great day.




Liminality says...


This is the only part that uses roman numerals, which I thought was interesting since it follows the words colonies and hierarchies.

Haha, I'm glad you caught that! That was def intentional on my part from what I remember. c:

Thanks for the review!




It's easier to come up with new stories than it is to finish the ones you already have. I think every author would feel that way.
— Stephanie Meyer