Under the Setting Sunlight
The raindrops fall this year,
The fleeting afternoons are the colours in a fleeting bubble.
Blue skies don't look that kind anymore, as I shed a tear,
My words don't come out, they are swallowed by the rain,
We can't go back to the time when we looked at each other.
Every night, before I go to sleep, I look into the dark blue sky,
I wonder where I will be under the setting sunlight.
Each day the sorrowful breeze carries a ribbon of sadness,
I will never be the one to untie it.
My fingers rip the seas, just to search for you,
I embrace my memories encrusted with your warmth.
I don't want to forget you without leaving anything behind,
Your gentle words, which I really loved to hear.
I know you will believe me, that we will meet again,
I want your tears to end, to dry up under the sun.
Every time I close my eyes, every time I look into the sky,
I wonder where I will see you under the setting sunlight.
I can see my evening with you,
I'm sure that you will too.
I will shield you everyday, just as I promised to,
If the sorrowful breeze blows, I will put a coat of happiness around you.
Every evening, when I stare into my mirror, I remember the sky,
and wonder where we will sit together under the setting sunlight.
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
I enjoyed the poem. I wonder, though, what would happen if you tried to use more lines. Some of your lines seemed too long and it kind of breaks the flow of your poem. Punctuation will also help to break some of those longer thoughts up and add a better flow to the whole thing. The concepts and imagery were very well done; I would have liked a better flow to help immerse myself deeper into this vague and beautiful picture you're putting together.
I really did enjoy this. I think (like that person above said) that there were some good rymings ect and i think taht you coudl go quite well if you keep going on the writing.
I hope that you will enjoy writing more as i love reading more!
I did liek this poem....
It catches your interest and that is what you need on a poem.
But, keep going on it!!
This website is going to be great for you because of all of the tips ect that are posted here.
ENJOY!
X
Pretty good! Some of the ryhming didn't go quite right, like here:
It just felt a bit off.
I liked those bits.