For angels-symphony's "Symphony of Colors" contest.
Symphony Of Hope
Like a phoenix, it soars into the sky,
a radiant, fiery comet in the field of space.
Wings spread wide and and head held high,
it secretly plants in our hearts a burning flame.
The angels play out their symphony,
a colourful and harmonious swirl of sounds.
It opens its cloak and covers the world,
but it will only reach a man in forlorn.
Storms will rage and seas will rise,
but no matter what, that fire will blaze.
A man will only descend to darkness
if he loses that flame inside him called Hope.
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hi, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm finally back. I was absent for a long time and I'm glad to review this-your poem first.
I'll just answer to some of Dreamwalker's nitpicks:
1. The thing with the flow is tricky sometimes, because if you ruin the feeling of the poem, you get the proper flow, BUT if you ruin the flow you create a quite nice atmosphere. This becomes clearer if you read the poem slowly, if you take the poem, lie down, relax and just read it...slowly. Then all the problems with the flow are gone.
The best solution would be to take something from each- you take a little bit of flow and a little bit of sense, of that atmosphere (like you're on a cooking course :/ ).
2. if you don't have some secret meaning with it, The capitalization is necessary.
It's not really an obligation, but it is better if capitalize the letters. I do it for honouring the poem or something like that. You've done your job there, so I really don't know what the hell is Dreamwalker talking about
-poetry has no boundaries.
Hey, it's dreamwalker as was requested with a review! My poetry analysis' aren't the greatest but hopefully this shall suffice.
Nit-pick
This could flow a lot better if you took out 'into' and replaced it with 'through'. Into has two syllables leaving an extra, unwanted syllable that cuts the flowing. Through is only one which makes it flow well.
This is too long. Maybe change it to "In our hearts it plants a burning flame." ?
This feels too short, as well. Maybe add 'ever' between 'man' and 'in' or something like that.
And this feels too long for the pattern.
Maybe "If he loses that flame of hope within him" or something like that.
Overall
I liked the meaning behind this piece a great deal. It was interesting and there was only a few flowing errors. One other thing you need to fix is to capitalize the first word at the beginning of each sentence. It's one of the rules in poetry.
Other then that, brilliant!
Ja Ne
~The.Dreamwalker