Friends
Even though the years had piled on us,
a heavy burden on our backs,
you still wore the same smile on your face,
bright and unwavering.
Even though memories cloud your mind,
haunting you at every corner you turn to,
you never chose the past,
and still continue your steps forward.
When I was naive and confused,
you guided me patiently through my early stages.
When I was overwhelmed by pouring emotions,
you stemmed the flow with your assuring words.
Although we walk on different roads,
we are linked together by one junction.
A pathway so strong, that not even
the strongest god in the world can break it.
Although our thoughts and dreams do not synchronize,
we are balanced on the same scales.
Let's smile and move towards the future,
joined by the bond called friendship.
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139,657 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Amazing use of stanza and
description of what you were
thinking everything flowed
letting the words fly and
thoughts soar I'm interested
in your writing!
If not a bit cheesy, this was a very good poem which has good emotions and ideas. What you need to work one: Use concrete imagery and vivid descriptions.
Love, hate, happiness: these are all abstract concepts. Many, maybe all, poems are, deep down, about emotions and other abstractions, but it's hard to build a strong poem using only abstractions - it's just not interesting. The key, then, is to replace or enhance abstractions with concrete images, things that you can appreciate with your senses: a rose, a shark, or a crackling fire, for example. The concept of the objective correlative may be useful. An objective correlative is an object, several objects, or a series of events (all concrete things) that evoke the emotion or idea of the poem.
Really powerful poetry not only uses concrete images; it also describes them vividly. Show your readers and listeners what you're talking about--help them to experience the imagery of the poem. Put in some "sensory" handles. These are words that describe the things that you hear, see, taste, touch, and smell, so that the reader can identify with their own experience. Give some examples rather than purely mental/intellectual descriptions. For example: "He made a loud sound" versus "He made a loud sound like a hippo eating 100 stale pecan pies with metal teeth".
Good luck!