Spectrum

Lil_Pau wrote:Spectrum

The sea is a serene piece of music,
every now and then, waves crash into my ears. This line seems a bit off with the line before it. Maybe just add an 'and' at the beginning?
The gentle wind strokes my cheek
as I lie here, half-cloaked by the emerald grass.
Feeling its verdure against my skin Verdure. I love that word.
drowns me in a pool of nostalgia.
The ripples are tinted with monochrome, I just love this line in general. Something about it paints a very beautiful picture...
highlighting the darkest phases of life.

And then, you came,
relighting a flame in my soul
that had been extinguished long, long ago.

Although the truth will never be said,
my heart carries a sentiment of gratefulness.
Beginning from now, in every framed picture,
I won’t be standing alone.

I was a lover of living, indulgent and lenient,
but I failed to see the sinister side of it. The word 'it' at the end of this line doesn't sound right. I'm not sure how you can correct this, but it should be corrected.
As a result, I am left robbed of dreams and wishes,
a well-carved sculpture from the outside,
but hollowed from the inside.

Somehow, you managed to create a scenery I don't think this stanza is entirely necessary, because it doesn't seem to flow as nicely as the rest of the poem, but you don't have to get rid of it.
that was reflected as Eden in my eyes -
The opposite of my vision of the future.

Although you are now an image in my album of memories,
I will keep you alive in life’s radiance.
The paradise that you have formed for me
is still clear in my aged mind,
and I shall paint it onto the world;
the canvas where our existence begins.

As I look at the vast blue sky,
an arc stands proud and tall above me. Combine this stanza and the next one. I don't see why they need to be separated.

As I walk away, ready to move forward,
I pray that we will meet again.

Someday, in that realm of colours.

I really liked this
beautiful imagery, good rhythm
Nice sentiment.
Perfect poetry!
Love itt
Sxxx