hi lil_pau,
As I started reading your poem i was quite taken by the way you painted the" orange autumn leaves and red maple leaves..."
Lil_Pau wrote:Masterpiece
I'm lying under the orange autumn leaves,
watching the red maple leaves falling one by one.
But after the first stanza i expected you to answer the question about what dream you had?? You kind of lost your line of thought there.
" The world seems to slow down
and so does the steps of mankind around us.
Each second I drift into a dream,
I am jerked awake by laments and cries of sadness.
"I don't want this to go on." what don't you want to go on?
Those words you wrote into my mind
invoked the feelings inside me. "
All in all your poem could be quite great with a few adjustments and I absolutely love the beginning, so keep writing
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
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