Masterpiece
I'm lying under the orange autumn leaves,
watching the red maple leaves falling one by one.
Slowly, the scenery starts to close my eyelids,
but before I fall into a slumber,
I wonder,
what kind of dream I would have?
The world seems to slow down
and so does the steps of mankind around us.
Each second I drift into a dream,
I am jerked awake by laments and cries of sadness.
"I don't want this to go on."
Those words you wrote into my mind
invoked the feelings inside me.
And now I go on...
The destination is indecipherable,
but with this pair of determined feet, I swear to keep walking.
With these mere hands, I shall paint everything once more,
and colour a perfect picture.
A masterpiece of life.
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139,657 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
hi lil_pau,
As I started reading your poem i was quite taken by the way you painted the" orange autumn leaves and red maple leaves..."
But after the first stanza i expected you to answer the question about what dream you had?? You kind of lost your line of thought there.
" The world seems to slow down
and so does the steps of mankind around us.
Each second I drift into a dream,
I am jerked awake by laments and cries of sadness.
"I don't want this to go on." what don't you want to go on?
Those words you wrote into my mind
invoked the feelings inside me. "
All in all your poem could be quite great with a few adjustments and I absolutely love the beginning, so keep writing