Land Between the Rivers
Come with me to the land between the rivers,
The sandstorm blows a tale of great wonders.
Once an endless battlefield, now and always be,
A sunrise in the distance, do you see?
Wander in the hills of radiant spirits,
The flowing waters carry a burden of myths.
Follow me to the land between the rivers,
The skies unfold an image of vanishing wonders.
Roaming in a forest of ancient souls,
Hear the raindrops whisper secrets as they pour.
The full moon shimmers on an October night,
Listen to imaginary angels sing in the starlight.
Take me to the land between the rivers,
Where incessant valley of myths stand tall together.
Fly with me to the land between the rivers,
Where stars of creation split apart heaven and earth.
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
nice job! i like the sort of laid back rhyme scheme. the one major piece of advice i have for you is to keep the mid-stanzas the same (the little couplets). i personally would keep the second one (follow me..vanishing wonders). i like the whole idea of listening to imaginary angels. very nice!!! can't wait to see more from you!
~abby~
O...that's kinda true anyway...
Well, thanks for reviewing!
hmmm.........by using the name 'land between the rivers' you instantly made me beleive that this poem is about Babylon because 'land between the rivers' is a literal transalation of Mesopotamia ,i think. if it was unintentional then i would say that the poem's content was fitting and quite realistic, the imagery was well put but it did seem to me a bit saturated.....i can't say for sure but the imagery seemed to me a little bit unnatural. All in all you put it up quite neatly.
If you did mean Mesopotamia then the only problem i could find was that you left a lot of themes untouched- Gilgamesh, the Ishtar Gate etc. never mind. Thanks for the read.......
this is beautiful, i really like your choice of words.
i truly enjoyed reading this.
great job.
kim
You can really visualize what you're writing in this poem, the only possible bit that I was a caught on was the use of a question mark which I do not condone but it just seemed to imbalance that part from the others. Otherwise good job and keep up the detailed descriptions!
-Elitehusky
I know this isn't much of a crit, but i LoVe it!!! Yay!